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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479476">Crossroads</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAdventurous/pseuds/MissAdventurous'>MissAdventurous</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Character Study, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Minor Aqua/Terra (Kingdom Hearts), Past Relationship(s), Rough Sex, Unhealthy Relationships</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 22:35:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>19,287</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29479476</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissAdventurous/pseuds/MissAdventurous</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Terra <i>should</i> have been recompleted after Xehanort was defeated, but his heart never found its way to his body... <i>well,</i> until he woke up. </p><p><s>Saix</s> Isa had a decade’s worth of heartache to sort through but, of course, everything had to be complicated by the potential rebirth of <s>his superior</s> <i>Xemnas</i>.</p><p>Ven knew better though: it <i>had</i> to be Terra who’d woken up. He couldn’t stomach the alternative, even though a little voice in the back of his mind seemed hellbent on terrorizing him about it.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Isa/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts), Saïx/Xemnas (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas/Ventus (Kingdom Hearts)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Canon divergence:<br/>1. Terra-Xehanort was recompleted after KH2 and broken back apart into Xemnas and Ansem for KH3<br/>2. After the KH3 finale, Terranort is reformed (but looks like Xemnas... I refuse to believe after ten years Terranort would still look like 20 year old Terra)<br/>3. Vanitas has been living in Ven’s heart since the end of KH3 (apparently KH3 Vanitas came from the past? But like... I’m going to ignore that)</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Just as a heads up, in case it isn’t obvious, both the VenVan and XemSai are major pairings and the stories are woven together. </p><p>Also, I’ve finished this fic (it’s currently sitting at a little under 20K so I plan to post as I finish editing)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sun beat down on Saix’s head, skin blisteringly hot under the leather cloak. A bead of sweat dripped down from his forehead. He wanted to rip the hood down and wipe it off. His hands tightened into fists, leather of his gloves creaking. </p><p>It felt absurd, to all be sauntering into battle with... what, seven lights? He used to think that Xemnas had too much of a flare for the dramatic but this.... this was patently ridiculous. </p><p>In front of him, he saw Axel Lea with the other seekers of light. His eyes widened: Roxas— he stepped forward out of impulse. Xemnas held an arm slightly out in front of him. Saix nearly forgot he was supposed to remain faceless and thoughtless throughout this whole charade. He backed up into place.</p><p>The boy who looked exactly like Roxas, but couldn’t possibly be him, lurched toward Xemnas, “<i>Terra</i>!”</p><p>A woman he didn’t recognize stepped in front of not-Roxas. “Xehanort,” she shook her head, “what did you do to Terra?” </p><p>Xehanort cackled. If Saix would’ve had a heart, he imagined it would’ve been insufferably annoying. As it stood now, it only gave him a headache. </p><p>Saix looked at the back of Xemnas’ head. He’d been under the assumption Xemnas’ somebody was Xehanort. Saix looked back to the little old man laughing hysterically. Then again, he couldn’t see the resemblance. </p><p>He wanted to ask about it. If they’d been back in the days with the original Organization, he may have. But here, as one of Xehanort’s meat puppets, he didn’t see the point. </p><p>If everything went according to plan, the thirteen darknesses were supposed to die in this wasteland anyway.</p><p>Saix only wished he could die with his heart again, even if he only had it for a few moments.</p>
<hr/><p>They won. </p><p>But Sora had<s> died</s> <i>disappeared</i> and Terra hadn’t come back. They had his body, but no actual <i>Terra.</i></p><p>Ven’s toes dug into the warm sand. He dropped his chin down onto his knee and sighed. The ocean waves looked choppy and orange under the sunset. He just wished Terra would’ve been there to see it too—</p><p>“I miss him too,” Aqua sat down next to him. </p><p>Ven tugged on a loose thread at the hem of his pants. Aqua placed a warm, gentle hand on his shoulder. He looked over at her glassy eyes. </p><p>Ven forced himself to smile, “Do you think his heart will find its way back?”</p><p>When she smiled back, it looked watery, “I hope so.” </p><p>Ven nodded. Aqua squeezed his shoulder. He wanted to say something, <i>anything</i>, to try and understand the darkness she’d lived in, the darkness Terra still lived in—</p><p>Her voice sounded quiet, heartbroken, “Ven.” </p><p>He smiled past the quivering of his mouth, “we can light his way home, can’t we, Aqua? ” </p><p>“Yes,” She got up to her feet, “and until he’s home, there’s no reason for us to stay here moping,” she rubbed the heel of her hand against her eye.</p><p>Ven nodded at her and smiled. She held a hand down toward him. He wanted more than anything to take it— to follow her back to the world they’d left— <i>but it didn’t exist anymore</i>. </p><p>“I’m heading back to the house, are you coming?”</p><p>“I just want to watch the sunset a little longer,” He wrapped his arms around his legs. </p><p>“Alright,” she said, “be back soon, okay?”</p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>When she left, his face crumpled. He pressed his face against his knee. He dug his fingernails into the skin of his arms. He remembered the world he’d dreamed, the one where they’d been together, where things went back to normal— he hiccuped to fight off a sob. </p><p>“Roxas?”</p><p>Ven rubbed a hand against his face. He twisted around to see Isa. Isa’s eyes flicked down to the wet patch of fabric on his knee, then back up to his watery eyes. </p><p>“Ven.”</p><p>“Hey! Y’know, since I met you first I’m surprised you mix us up too,” Ven made himself laugh. “Are you looking for Lea?”</p><p>“I am.”</p><p>“I think he’s back at the house with everybody else,” Ven gestured over his shoulder to the villa. </p><p>He picked up a small twig and drew a stupid little mark in the sand, trying to act like he was busy or something. Isa hesitated a moment anyway— maybe trying to figure out what the heck to do with a kid— a kid who was technically older than him but had been in a veritable coma for years— crying on a beach all by himself. </p><p>“I’m okay!” Ven laughed, “these last few days have just been a lot.” </p><p>“Your friend, the one who Xemnas,” Isa paused. </p><p>Truthfully, Ven didn’t know how to describe<i> him</i> either: the mixture of Xehanort and Terra who paraded around in Terra’s skin. He’d seen him in the keyblade graveyard, his friend’s face aged ten years and so <i>distorted—</i> Ven snapped the twig in his hands. Isa cleared his throat.</p><p>Ven nodded, “Terra will be back soon. I know it.” </p><p>“Of course,” something about Isa’s face looked tight, his expression cold. “I’ll see you later.” </p><p>“Sure! Bye.”</p><p>Ven frowned— when Isa’d been a kid, back with Lea, he’d been... <i>different</i>. But Ven had been different then too. </p><p>A warm breath brushed against his neck and a voice whispered: “<i>Ventus</i>.”</p><p>Ven lurched backward. He frowned at the empty expanse of beach. Some of the palm fronds caught on a breeze and rustled. He shook his head. Way to keep it together. He laughed past the nervousness churning in his stomach. </p><p>Ven looked down at what he’d been doodled in the sand. A heart, with an x cut through it and twin jagged edges. <i>The unversed</i>. Ven lurched backward. He dragged his heel across the sand to destroy the mark.</p><p>His heart thumped in his chest. He squeezed his hand against his chest and breathed out a slow sigh.</p>
<hr/><p>The labs of Radiant Garden felt cloying and ice-cold. Stark white and<i> dangerous</i>. They’d hardly changed from when Isa snuck in as a kid. Ienzo greeted him with a clipboard and thick file folder in hand. </p><p>“Hello, Isa.”</p><p>The alkaline stench of disinfectant made Isa’s nostrils flare. He pressed his finger underneath his nose. He looked to the <s>prison</s> hospital suite on the other side of the glass wall. It looked clinical and stark and <i>bright</i>. The hair on his arms stood up even with his leather jacket. </p><p>“Can he see us?” Isa placed his palm against the glass. </p><p>Ienzo shook his head, “I appreciate you coming. You’re one of the few people he mentioned by name.”</p><p>“Who were the others?”</p><p>“Xigbar.” </p><p>Isa withdrew his hand. On the side of the glass, Xemnas still looked like... <i>Xemnas</i>. He sat on the side of the bed, hands folded in his lap. His hair looked silver still— Isa squinted: his eyes could’ve been amber or yellow or blue. </p><p>“What have you been calling him?” </p><p>Ienzo cleared his throat. Isa looked to the file folder he held, a neat little label printed on the edge: <i>No. 1.</i> Isa rubbed underneath his eye, along the edges of his scar. <i>That couldn’t be right, No. 1 was— </i></p><p>Isa shook his head, “He hasn’t said anything?”</p><p>“He’s barely said a word so far.” </p><p>Isa nodded and asked, “can I go in?”</p><p>“Please,” Ienzo gestured to the door, “help yourself.”</p><p>Inside, the room felt warmer than he’d expected. Isa tugged at the collar of his jacket. Xemnas didn’t shift from his position on the bed. Isa dragged a plastic chair toward him. The feet scraped against the floor with a shrill whine. Xemnas— or whoever he was— continued looking at his hands. Isa clicked his tongue. </p><p>“They want me to ask who you think you are,” Isa sat down and crossed his legs.</p><p><i>“They?”</i> His voice sounded deep and raspy from disuse. When his eyes met Isa’s they were blue and dark like a stormfront.</p><p>Isa leaned closer and said, “the people who run this facility.”</p><p>Xemnas hummed, a low rumble that caught in his throat. He rubbed his palms against his knees. Isa folded his hands in his lap and cleared his throat. </p><p>“The people <i>you</i> tried to...” Isa’s mouth curled into a frown. “Possess.” </p><p>Xemnas nodded but his face looked expressionless and uncaring, “I remember death; yet I have been born anew,” he stared down at the palms of his hands.</p><p>“Are you Terra?” </p><p>“No.”</p><p>Isa got up to his feet. Closer to Xemnas, he could see a few strands of brown starting to streak through his hair.<i> But that was still his body</i>. Well, what was left of it.</p><p>“Who are you?”</p><p>“I am nobody and nothing.”</p><p>“That can’t be right,” Isa took a step back. “<i>If</i> you were nothing as you say, Terra’s heart would’ve found its way back to his body, but here
<i>you</i> are instead.” </p><p>“Then I am a hollow facsimile of someone who once existed... or perhaps I am the only part of him left.”</p><p>Xemnas looked off to the side. Like he didn’t care. Isa’s hands squeezed into fists. </p><p>“Is there anything else you remember?” </p><p>Xemnas unfolded himself from the bed. He reached out a hand. His fingertips felt warm and calloused against Isa’s jaw.</p><p>“Your hair was shorter.”</p><p>Isa shook his head, “when I was a child, maybe.” </p><p>Xemnas traced a finger along the hair that framed his face, “Cobalt,” his voice rumbled in his throat.</p><p><i>“Blue,</i>” Isa grabbed onto his wrist, “Don’t wax poetic about <i>hair</i>.” </p><p>Xemnas’ thumb moved to stroke against the edge of his scar. Isa’s hand tightened on his wrist. He imagined he could feel the slow, steady thrum of Xemnas’ heart. </p><p>“Do you remember it?” Isa asked. </p><p>Xemnas’ face didn’t move— but deep in his eyes Isa imagined he saw some sense of<i> recognition</i>, of <i>knowing</i> everything Saix had given to him—</p><p>Isa frowned,<i> “Well?” </i></p><p>Xemnas’ hand dropped down to rest by his side. Isa’s chest tightened. Xemnas didn’t say a thing. He looked unfeeling and apathetic, like a <i>nobody—</i> </p><p>“Aqua will be disappointed,” Isa said, “I believe she loved, <i>well,</i> the rightful owner of the body you’ve stolen.”</p><p>“Aqua,” The name sounded unfamiliar and foreign coming from Xemnas’ mouth. </p><p>“Yes,<i> Aqua</i>,” Isa’s upper lip curled back, “I’m surprised you don’t remember her. She remembers <i>you</i>.” </p><p>Xemnas looked unnaturally still. Isa pressed his palm against his sternum. The slow, steady thump of his heart felt like some sort of <i>joke</i>. If not for it, Xemnas could’ve been a statue, an ancient relic of bygone times when things had been <s>simpler</s>... different. </p><p>“Why did you ask for me?” </p><p>Xemnas’ face didn’t even twitch. Isa frowned at him. A limp strand of silver hair fell across Xemnas’ forehead. Isa’s hand bunched into a fist against his shirt.</p><p>“You said my name.”</p><p>“I am the one who gave it to you.”</p><p>“It’s Isa now,” his mouth curled up to show dangerously sharp teeth.</p><p>“Ah,” Xemnas looked at him, “Are you sure of that?” </p><p>Isa recoiled from him, “How is that a question?” </p><p>His heart thumped in his chest, veins in his neck aching. The one thing he’d wanted, desired more than anything— why did it have to keep hurting like <i>this—</i> for a moment, Xemnas’ eyes looked like a sickly yellow. Heartache and loneliness twisted in his gut. He’d been driven to the point of imagining things. </p><p>Isa twisted on his heel and left the room.</p>
<hr/><p>Destiny Island felt swelteringly humid and today a steady rain slammed against the roof. It sounded like a stampede. Ven pretended to read a title on the bookshelf. He crouched down and picked one up— something about hearts—</p><p>Riku<i> tried</i> not to stare at him, but really, it was obvious. Ven shoved the book back onto the shelf. The tips of his ears flushed red. Ven didn’t mean to hover around Riku, it’s just he was in contact with Ansem’s lab. The lab that currently housed Terra’s body.</p><p>Ven walked toward the door— couldn’t even meet Riku’s eye. Still, he lingered in the doorway. Then Riku’s gummi phone rang.</p><p>Riku pulled it out of his pocket, “It’s Ienzo,” he said it like he knew that’s why Ven had been basically glued to his side the last few days. </p><p>“Did Terra wake up?” Ven rushed back into the room.</p><p>Riku swiped his phone open, “Ienzo, what news do you—“</p><p>“—is it Terra?”</p><p>Static crackled from the phone as Ienzo cleared his throat, “He woke up, but—“</p><p>“Is he okay?” </p><p>“He’s not Terra, Ven,” Ienzo’s voice cut out momentarily.</p><p>Riku frowned, “Is it Xehanort?” </p><p>“No— not as far as we can tell. For now, we’re assuming his case most resembles Roxas.”</p><p>“Wait,” Ven stumbled back and grabbed onto the doorframe, “What are you saying?” </p><p>“Roxas was a combination of Sora’s body and both your hearts, a nobody who grew a heart of his own.”</p><p>Ven shook his head. “Wait! But Terra—“</p><p>“Ven,” Riku said. </p><p>Ven hated how he looked at him: like a kid who didn’t understand how their pet died, who thought they’d ran off to the farm or something and weren’t stone-cold in the ground. He dug his fingers into the wooden frame. </p><p>Riku glanced back to the phone, “he’s something different then.” </p><p>Ienzo nodded, video on the screen lagging. “He seems to have retained some of Xemnas’ memories. It’s possible more may come back in time.” </p><p>Ven rubbed a hand across his face, “but that’s Terra’s body! Where will his heart—“</p><p>“We’re working on that,” Ienzo said. “It will take time to grow a body capable of housing a heart, but Xehanort’s research should speed up the process.” </p><p>Ven’s vision blurred. He rubbed the heel of his hand against his eyes. Riku stared at him. Ven’s eyes burned. <i>Even with a body, they hadn’t found Terra’s heart—</i></p><p>Ven ran out of the room— like some sort of weak coward. A sour lump crawled up his throat. When he reached his room, the borrowed room he’d been assigned, he collapsed against the door. The whole place looked like it belonged in a catalog about Destiny Island’s beaches, not like someone actually lived there. </p><p>The back of his head thumped against the door. His chest tightened painfully. A world without <i>Terra</i>. His stomach roiled and he worried he might throw up. </p><p>Arms draped themselves around his shoulders— which <i>wasn’t</i> possible, because he had his back pressed to the door— “So you never did manage to save Terra, did you, Ventus?” Hot breath burned against his cheek.</p><p>Ven twisted around even though he knew he wouldn’t see anything. “You aren’t really here,” he frowned. “You’re in my head.” </p><p>“<i>Our</i> head.”</p><p>“No,” Ven rubbed at his eyes, <i>“No</i>. You’re gone.”</p><p>“I’m a part of you, Ventus. Just like you’re a part of <i>me</i>.” </p><p>Ven stumbled up to his feet. He twisted around to stare at the corners of his room, at the dark shadows underneath his bed. Nothing. No one was there. His mouth tasted sour. </p><p>“Fine,” Ven twisted around to glare at the door, “You’re a part of me. So where are you, huh? Where’d you go?” </p><p>If Vanitas had been there at all, he didn’t answer. Ven collapsed down in front of the door again. He dropped his head into his hands.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you to everyone who’s left a kudos so far! I hope you enjoy this chapter.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> The morning air felt dewy, whole world painted in shades of pink and orange and blue— almost like a postcard for Radiant Garden. On such a day, it looked absurd for <s>his superior</s> Xemnas to be sitting on a bench like a... <i>pedestrian</i>. If he would’ve had breadcrumbs for the pigeons, he would’ve been a perfect clique of harmlessness.</p><p>Isa took a seat next to him. Xemnas glanced over to him. He really did look so... out of place, with his ramrod straight posture and broad shoulders. He looked like he should’ve been a king in a castle, not sitting on a rusty bench with pheasants. Isa crossed one leg over the other and exhaled stiffly. </p><p>“You came to see me,” Xemnas’ voice rumbled deep in his throat. Sounded low and <i>familiar</i> in a way that made Isa’s stomach tremble. </p><p>“I did.” </p><p>“The recusant’s signal,” Xemnas’s eyes looked him over and settled on the scar on his face.</p><p>“You remembered our previous conversation,” Isa looked off to the side— meeting Xemnas’ eyes felt too... real. Made his chest tighten and ache. </p><p>“Indeed.” </p><p>“What else have you managed to remember?”</p><p>Xemnas looked at him closely. “<i>Much</i>,” his voice sounded deep and pensive </p><p>A strand of hair fell across Isa’s face when he asked, “and what will you do with what you’ve learned?” </p><p>Xemnas stayed quiet. He reached over and tucked Isa’s hair behind his ear. His hand lingered on the tip of Isa’s ear— which <i>used</i> to be pointed but now were round—</p><p>“You’ve been given a clean slate,” Isa said, “you’re free to choose your own destiny.”</p><p>“Is that what they’ve told you?” </p><p>Isa laughed, but it came out humorless and bitter, “Lea said something to that effect.” </p><p><i>“Eight.</i>” </p><p>“If you say things like that, Ienzo and the others will realize you aren’t Terra at all.” </p><p>“Will they?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“The heart believes what it <i>wants</i> to be true. Rarely does it see the truth itself.” </p><p>Isa leaned closer to him, “fine, then in such a case what do you think <i>I</i> see?” </p><p>Xemnas looked at him, his face expressionless and regal like a marble statue. <i>Saix</i> didn't really care that he could never figure out his superior’s thoughts. But <i>Isa’s</i> mouth tasted sour and dry. </p><p>“I know you.” </p><p>“You know what you created,” Isa folded his hands over his knee. “How much of him do you think still exists?”</p><p>“Enough.” </p><p>Isa peeled his sleeve up and glanced down to his watch, “I’m supposed to be meeting Lea,” he stood up.</p><p>“Reverting back to your old tricks?”</p><p>“I’m not sure what you mean.”</p><p><i>“Jealousy</i>,” Xemnas said it so plainly, so matter of fact, “that was your usual modus operandi, wasn’t it?” </p><p>“Then you’d remember it never worked,” Isa leaned down close to him, voice dipping low, “At least not on my superior.” </p><p>“You wouldn’t want to keep your friend waiting.” </p><p>“No, I wouldn’t,” Isa backed up. </p><p>He didn’t say he’d come back and Xemnas didn’t ask him to return. But they knew he’d be back anyway. He had always been terrible at staying away from bad influences. </p><p>Even after he left, Xemnas continued to sit on that bench. Isa wondered what he could possibly be waiting for.</p>
<hr/><p>Ven <i>knew</i> he shouldn’t have gone. But Aqua told him to stay away which meant he <i>had</i> to go. No else stopped him on the way to Radiant Garden and nobody stopped him from staring at the man who had Terra’s face. </p><p>He sat outside in the gardens next to a large fountain. Nearby, children laughed and played. It was already getting late, so they’d likely be going back to their homes soon. Ven swallowed past a lump in his throat. </p><p>“I’m Ven.” </p><p>Not-Terra-Xemnas hummed deep in his throat. He turned a side-eye to Ven. Ven rubbed sweaty palms against his thighs. </p><p>“The chamber of waking,” he stared at him closely with eyes that looked like Terra’s, “it was you inside.” </p><p>Ven nodded, “yeah, but how did you...?”</p><p>“I searched for a way to open it, believing I would find a friend inside.” </p><p>“T-Terra?” Ven squinted at him. </p><p>He shook his head, “there was another I looked for.” He looked to the water in the basin of the foutain, <i>“Aqua...”</i></p><p>Ven dropped down onto his knees in front of him, “What about her?” </p><p>“Her hair...” his voice drawled deep in his throat, “is blue, isn’t it?” </p><p>“Yeah!”</p><p>“And her suit of armor... I remember.” </p><p>Ven rubbed the heel of his palm against his face. He didn’t <i>want</i> to get emotional or irrational. Aqua had told him to be realistic, not to get his hopes up—</p><p>“Terra!”</p><p>“Oh, c’mon, Ventus,” the words felt blisteringly hot against the shell of his ear, “Do you <i>really</i> believe that?” </p><p>Ven lurched backward. Terra looked at him, head cocked to the side. A bright flush burned across the tips of Ven’s ears. </p><p>“You know, I’d think you were born yesterday. How gullible can you be?” It felt like <i>teeth</i> closed on his earlobe. </p><p><i>“Be quiet,</i>” Ven hissed under his breath.</p><p>“Is something the matter?” Terra asked. </p><p>“Nothing!” Ven stumbled up to his feet, “It’s good to see you again, Terra.” </p><p>Terra nodded. He turned back to watch the spray of water coming from the fountain. Ven cleared his throat.</p><p>“Get better soon, okay?” </p><p>Terra didn’t answer him but Ven didn’t mind— it had to be traumatic, waking up after all these years trapped in darkness as Xehanort’s slave. And Ven had been <i>asleep</i>, unable to do a thing to help him escape.</p><p>But Ven could help him now. He <i>would</i> help him get all his memories back. </p><p>Ven left. He didn’t want to think of it as running away, he <i>wouldn’t</i> run away. Not from his friends, not again. </p><p>But he also couldn’t bear to stay.</p>
<hr/><p>“Where did you go, Ven?” Aqua rushed toward him the instant he arrived back on Destiny Island. The sun had already set and the whole beach looked moody and too still. Goosebumps crawled up Ven’s arms. “Please say you didn’t go to Radiant Garden.” </p><p>“But he’s <i>Terra</i>, Aqua.” </p><p>“Ven,” she shook her head, “It isn’t him.”</p><p>“It is! He remembered us.” </p><p>“Ienzo told Riku that he asked for members of the organization by name.”</p><p>“So? That doesn’t mean—” </p><p>“It’s not him.”</p><p>Ven shook his head, “You haven’t even tried talking to him!”</p><p>“It’s Xehanort!” </p><p>“How can you even say that?” Ven recoiled, with his voice pitching up high and desperate. </p><p>“Ven...” She reached out for him.</p><p>Ven twisted away from her. He shook his head and ran into the house. He thought he heard her calling out for him again, but he could’ve imagined it. </p><p>He all but threw his bedroom door open and flung himself inside. The door slammed shut, rattling against the frame. He collapsed against it and slid down onto his knees.</p><p>They <i>could</i> save Terra. He just needed a bit of help to get all his memories back, that was <i>easy—</i> yeah, they could pull that off no problem—</p><p>“You’re pathetic, Ventus.”</p><p>Ven rubbed a hand across his forehea. When he spoke his voice came out watery, “You’ve told me that before.” </p><p>“In that case, another time won’t hurt: you’re pathetic, Ventus.” </p><p>“He’s Terra, right?” Ven swallowed past a lump, “he has to be.” </p><p>“You’ve got so many new friends these days,” a familiar set of arms draped themselves across his shoulders, “maybe you should use your head and try asking one of them.” </p><p>“Vanitas! You’re a genius!” Ven lurched around only to be face-to-face with the wooden grain of the door.</p>
<hr/><p>Outside, the nighttime air of Destiny Island felt hot and muggy. A group of cicadas chirped nearby. Isa’s hair clung to the back of his neck in a sweaty clump. He tugged his fingers through the matted strands. Lea drummed his fingers against the plastic table. Isa barely turned a side-eye to him. Lea laughed and leaned half atop the table to get up into Isa’s space.</p><p>“Y’know, I’m thinking about trainin’ some more with Kairi.”</p><p>“Isn’t being a keyblade master a child’s dream?” Isa rolled his eyes. He said it to be mean, but Lea only laughed. </p><p>“Hey! She’s a good partner! Listened better than you or Roxas ever did,” Lea wiped a tear from the corner of his eye. He dropped his chin down onto his palm, “Well, whaddaya say, Isa?”</p><p>“About <i>what</i>?”</p><p>“You wanna come with?”</p><p>“I’ll pass.” </p><p>“Hey, c’mon! It’ll be fun—“ </p><p>“I don’t need to practice to be better than you, I already am.”</p><p><i>“Lea!</i>” A voice called.</p><p>Isa twisted around to see a blond boy waving his arm up and down. Roxas— no, <i>Ven. </i>He basically sprinted toward them like a bat out of hell.</p><p>Ven came to a stop in front of them. His face looked ghost-white. He doubled over and rested his hands against his knees. Isa’s eyebrows crawled toward his hairline: had he really <i>ran</i> to find them? </p><p>“Hey, what’s up, kid? You’re looking a lil green around the gills there.” </p><p>Ven’s voice came out stilted as he panted for breath, “have you guys been to Radiant Garden?”</p><p>Isa stiffly exhaled, “of course not.”</p><p>“Ha! You kiddin’?” Lea batted a hand against his shoulder, “We were there earlier today— why, what’s up?” </p><p>“Have you spoken with the guys at the lab?” </p><p>“Yeah, me and some of my old,” Lea coughed into the shoulder of his shirt, “<i>coworkers</i>, didn’t exactly leave things on the best of terms... so, not really.” </p><p>“It’s about Terra—“</p><p>“Wait,” Isa held up a hand before he asked, “you think the body they’ve been rehabilitating is your friend <i>Terra’s</i>?” </p><p>“Yeah,” Ven’s lower lip pulled in between his teeth, “he knew Aqua’s name and—“</p><p>Isa couldn’t help it, he barked out a laugh. Lea jolted next to him. Both their eyes were saucer-wide. So rattled Isa <i>almost</i> felt a momentary guiltiness. He waved a hand back and forth to get their attention.</p><p>“That’s because <i>I</i> told it to him.” </p><p>Lea grabbed onto the collar of his jacket, “Whaddaya mean <i>you</i> told him?”</p><p>“Don’t worry, Lea, I only spoke with him once at Ienzo’s request.”</p><p>“Oh, <i>very</i> reassuring. Y’know, when you tell me not to worry, I wanna freak the fuck out instead, right?” </p><p>Ven’s blue eyes were wide and scared. His lower lip wobbled. Isa wondered if he would cry. </p><p>“He’s not your friend,” Isa sighed, “although he may still have a few imprints of his memories as Xemnas did. It <i>was</i> your friend’s body first after all—“</p><p>“Jeezus, Isa!” Lea yanked on his jacket. “Leave the kid alone.” </p><p>Isa’s mouth clicked shut. Ven still looked like he might cry. Then his face steeled into something resolute and tight. In a way, he looked like Roxas more than he ever had before.</p><p>Ven shook his head, “I’m okay.”</p><p>“Kid, no offense,” Lea held up his hands, “you’re not okay. You’re shaking like a damn leaf.”</p><p>“I need to know.”</p><p>“Give up on your friend,” Isa stood up, “He’s not coming back.” </p><p>Ven nodded, expression hard as he twisted on his heel. He couldn’t manage a word as he left. Lea sighed as he peeled himself up. </p><p>When Lea spoke he sounded tired, “How do you know that, huh?” </p><p>Isa shrugged up a shoulder, “Why give him false hope? He needs to come to terms with the truth eventually.” </p><p>“Maybe <i>you</i> just want that to be the truth.”</p><p>Isa jerked around to face him, “What are you trying to say, Lea? What reason would I have for wanting him back?” </p><p>“Xemnas. That’s his name,” Lea shoved his hands in his pockets, “You gonna say it?”</p><p>“What difference would that make?” </p><p>“A lot, actually,” Lea ran a hand through his hair, “I know you were,” his face wrinkled up tight, “were...”</p><p>“Cat got your tongue now, Lea?” Isa leaned into his space. His voice pitched down low and goading when he said, “you can say it: we were fucking.” </p><p>Lea’s face twisted up. “Yeah. <i>That</i>.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, “y’know, I’m pretty sure you weren’t the only one—“</p><p>“I was the best,” The words slipped out before he could stop them. Lea’s eyes blew open wide. Isa sighed, “why else did you think I got to manage mission assignments and reports?”</p><p>“Oh, yeah, fucked your way right up to a cushy office job, huh?” </p><p>“I did.”</p><p>“What the fuck, Isa! Do you hear yourself right now?” </p><p>“It’s in the past, Lea. We were nobodies.” </p><p>“Well apparently that same past is chillin’ out in Radiant Garden!”</p><p>“You’re blowing this out of proportion.”</p><p>“And you’re not thinking with your head,” Lea pressed the tip of his index finger against Isa’s temple, “you got a smart mind, use it.”</p><p>“Compared to you, anyone is a genius,” Isa said, but his words lacked any real venom. </p><p>“C’mon! Don’t tell me you’re gonna be seduced by <i>Xemnas</i>. He doesn’t have a sweet office job to give you this time,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up, “and anyway, we got a chance to do real good here.”</p><p>“With the guardians of light?”</p><p>“Yeah, of course. We can make a real difference. Fight for what’s right and all that,” Lea slung an arm over his shoulders. “Better than being some old dude’s pawn.” </p><p>“I suppose you’re right.” </p><p>“Damn right I am! Now, c’mon, we got work to do.” </p><p>Lea grabbed onto his wrist and tugged him along, just like when they’d been children. Isa wondered if he should feel nostalgic. Instead, he just felt tired.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>For now I plan to update fairly fast, but might slow down as some of the later chapters get a bit longer.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ven stared at the ceiling until his eyes started to burn. He blinked, sheepish that he’d forgotten to. The white, chalky paint on the ceiling felt so... <i>empty</i>. Ven frowned: <i>he’d have to find a way to fix it</i>.</p><p>He closed his eyes. <i>One, two, three, four five</i>... For a moment, he was engulfed by darkness. Then he saw <i>Terra</i>. Terra who’d given him his wooden keyblade, Terra who’d never ever given up on <i>him</i> even when he’d been a crappy student.  </p><p>An angry tear rolled down from the corner of his eye. Ven scrubbed a hand across his cheek to try and chase it away. He held his breath, mouth wobbling. <i>six, seven, eight</i>— his hands tightened into fists over his eyes. </p><p>“Damn it,” he mumbled against the skin of his wrist. </p><p>A heavy weight settled down on Ven’s chest. He croaked out a breath. It felt like.... someone was <i>sitting</i> on him. He lurched upward, but didn’t get very far before the weight crashed down on him. He gagged on a trapped exhale. </p><p>A pair of sickly red eyes glared at him. Ven wiggled under the weight of his hips, trying to slide out. Vanitas’ hands came slamming down on top of his wrists. Ven squinted through the darkness but he really couldn’t make out any more of his face other than his eyes.</p><p>“What happened to your mask?” </p><p>Vanitas<i> laughed</i> at him: biting and cruel and loud. Ven’s mouth snapped shut. Vanitas leaned in close to him, close enough Ven could smell him: like sulphur and sweat and cinder. </p><p>Ven cleared his throat and asked, “Where’s Terra?”</p><p>“Don’t be stupid. How would <i>I</i> know that, Ventus?” </p><p>Ven’s mouth dropped into a tight, angry frown. Vanitas fucking <i>laughed</i> at him again. Ven tugged his wrists against his grip. Vanitas dug his fingernails into the soft skin of his arms. </p><p>“How are you here?”</p><p>“I told you, Ventus. I’ll <i>always</i> be with you.” </p><p>“You’re in my heart?” </p><p>“And why shouldn’t I be? It was my heart too.” </p><p>Vanitas leaned closer. Close enough that his face nuzzled against the crook of Ven’s neck. He inhaled deeply. <i>Way</i> too deep. Ven shivered and his shoulder jerked up to try and get Vanitas off. </p><p>“What do you want?”</p><p>“<i>You</i>, Ventus. I want you.” </p><p>Ven didn’t know why he expected any other answer. He heaved out a sigh. Vanitas felt too warm on top of him. <i>Solid</i>. Ven wanted to pinch his thigh. Vanitas’ nails scratched against his wrists. </p><p>“Hey!” Ven tried to wedge his knee up, but Vanitas sat down heavily on his stomach to pin him down. </p><p>“Is something the matter?” </p><p>“Hey, you want me?” Ven glared up at him, “then help me find Terra.”</p><p>“But, Ventus, I thought you already had,” Vanitas sounded so...<i> mean</i> and snide. </p><p>“I mean it. Help me.” </p><p>Vanitas barked out a shrill, hysterical laugh, “ah, now why would I do that?” </p><p>Vanitas leaned closer and <i>nipped</i> at Ven’s jaw. Ven cringed underneath him. Vanitas’s breath felt warm and humid. If he were a delusion, he certainly felt real. </p><p>“I’m serious.”</p><p>Vanitas sighed and sat back on his haunches, “what gave you the idea I’m not?” </p><p>Ven jerked upward, and maybe Vanitas lurched downward, but something <i>hard</i> connected with Ven’s forehead. He shouted and scrambled up. Only once he rubbed his aching forehead did he realize he was alone in the room. </p><p>He curled up onto his side and stared at the wall. </p><p> </p><p>Ven woke up to a weight still laying across his chest. He wiggled out from the comforter. A small dark creature nestled against him. </p><p>He jerked away from it out of impulse. It blinked at him with blood-red eyes. A low rumble settled in its gut as it curled up on his chest again. In the back of his mind, a irritation prickled him— not about the creature but about stupid Vanitas and his stubborn hatefulness. </p><p>Ven raised his hand, hovering over the creature’s head. The creature’s eyes drifted closed again. Ven scratched behind its ears. It purred at him. </p><p>Ven didn’t think he should be cuddling with an unversed. But, knowing his luck, it could also be a delusion so he didn’t see the harm. He stroked his hand down its back.</p>
<hr/><p>Isa wasn’t supposed to keep going back to Radiant Garden. He told Lea he wouldn’t. </p><p>But this time, he didn’t end up there alone. </p><p>“Isa,” Ienzo smiled politely from one to the other, “and Aqua. What can I help you with?” </p><p>Aqua shifted her weight from one foot to the other, “Terra’s heart. It’s still out there, isn’t it?” </p><p>“There’s a very good probability it is,” Ienzo agreed. For a moment, none of them spoke. Then he cleared his throat and said, “thank you for coming— there’s something I’d like you to see.” </p><p>“Alright,” Aqua followed after him.</p><p>Ienzo guided them down into the veritable catacombs that spanned underneath Ansem’s laboratory. Isa remembered getting lost in those tunnels as a child. He’d rarely been back after he became a nobody.</p><p>“The building has changed since when the Organization made use of it,” Ienzo explained, “there was a chamber here that Xemnas would frequent, do you remember it, Isa?”</p><p>“<i>I </i>was never allowed inside,” not that he had ever asked. At the time, he hadn’t cared about the odd places Xemnas chose to frequent. “What of it?”</p><p>“The chamber of repose,” Ienzo nodded and gestured to a steel door nearby at the bottom of the atrium. “Xemnas was rumored to be talking to someone inside.” </p><p>“Was he?” Aqua asked.</p><p>“Talking to someone?” Ienzo shook his head, “rather, <i>something</i>.”</p><p>“That was just one of Xigbar’s many tall tales, Ienzo,” Isa’s nose wrinkled up with distaste, “I'm surprised <i>you</i> believed him.” </p><p>Ienzo twisted the doorknob open. The room was dark and cold, made out of steel. There was a throne in the center of the room— different now than it likely had been when Xemnas made it— but crumpled on the floor sat a suit of rusted armor.</p><p>Isa shook his head, “That doesn’t—“ </p><p>“My armor!” Aqua dropped down to her knees in the center of the room. She picked up one of the old, clouded pauldrons. A furrow pulled between her eyebrows, “He kept it all this time?”</p><p>Ienzo nodded, “He addressed it as his <i>friend</i>.” </p><p>Aqua blew against the metal, cloud of dust spewing into the air when she said, “but he isn’t Terra.” </p><p>Ienzo shook his head. “Not as you knew him. But memories of Terra’s friendships guided many of his decisions. That pain, loneliness.” </p><p>Aqua sat the armor down and asked, “why are you sharing this with me?”</p><p>“I think you deserve to know the truth,” Ienzo said. “He’s not your friend, but parts of your friend created him.” </p><p>Aqua nodded and pressed a hand to her chest. The corner of Isa’s upper lip twitched. Her mouth trembled, maybe to mumble <i>Terra</i> or something equally inane. Isa’s temples throbbed with a growing headache. </p><p>Isa straightened out the lapel on his jacket. He shrugged up a shoulder. “Where is he, Ienzo? I didn’t see him upstairs when we came in.”</p><p>“Ansem has given him permission to come and go as he pleases. He’s hoping that some freedom will continue to jog his memory.” </p><p>Isa narrowed his eyes, “I’ll keep my fingers crossed that it does.”</p>
<hr/><p>The corridors of darkness felt colder than Isa remembered— even under the Organization cloak and the jacket he normally wore, goosebumps crawled up his arms. He stepped out onto dark city streets barely illuminated by flickering, neon lights. The city laid in shambles: some buildings collapsed and loose debris blocking walkways. </p><p>Here, the weather felt warmer and sweat pricked at the back of Isa’s neck. He pulled off the long cloak and draped it over his arm. To the side, he could hear the chatter of heartless. He looked over his shoulder and saw a collection of beady, yellow eyes. He adjusted his coat and left. </p><p>He heard the soft pitter-patter of tiny feet following him. That, paired with the streetlights blinking in and out, set his teeth on edge. Something wet landed on his cheek. If he were anywhere else, he would’ve expected rain. Isa rubbed a hand across his face. His fingers came back smeared with something dark and slick. </p><p>Isa walked further and <i>further</i> down the ruined street until he saw <i>him</i>: Xemnas stood among the rubble of his old castle. Isa cleared his throat. </p><p>“Still gazing at the sky?” </p><p>“Indeed.” </p><p>“What are you hoping to find?” Isa came to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him. </p><p>Stone dug up through the soft, rubber soles of his shoes. Xemnas glanced over to him, eyes hooded and dark. He looked... <i>amused</i>, maybe. Like a cat batting at a stupid mouse. </p><p>Isa clicked his tongue, “<i>Kingdom Hearts</i>,” his voice dripped with venom. </p><p>“A convenient falsehood,” Xemnas’ words rumbled deep in his throat.</p><p>“Ven still believes you're his old friend.”</p><p>“I told you before,” Xemnas held his arms out, “I am nothing.” </p><p>“I’ve tried to dissuade him,” Isa adjusted his coat in his arms, “but his other friend, <i>Aqua</i>, came to visit you regardless.”</p><p>“The one who loved me?” Xemnas didn’t ask it coyly or wryly, he said it like a <i>fact</i>. Like he could’ve been asking about an incoming storm or the color of the sky.</p><p>Isa exhaled, “will you seek her out?”</p><p>“Why would I?”</p><p>“Interest, maybe. Or perhaps to make me jealous.” </p><p>“I don’t need to search her out to accomplish that.” </p><p>Isa’s eyes narrowed. His heart thumped in his chest, made him feel lightheaded, <i>weak—</i> Xemnas spared him a single sideways <i>glance</i>, a mild and vaguely curious thing. Isa’s fingers dug into the leather of his coat. </p><p>Isa moved in front of Xemnas. His finger curled around the metal tassel of Xemnas’ cloak. It felt cold around his finger, ridges of the beads digging into his skin. Xemnas stared down his nose at him but made no effort to move. He tugged on the tassel and pulled Xemnas in close. </p><p>Isa inhaled; Xemnas still smelt so... clean, like detergent and soap. It’d been something Saix liked— the others <i>always</i> came back reeking off sweat and dirt after missions. And Axel had always smelt like sickly sweet, cheap cologne that gave him a headache. </p><p>When he spoke, Xemnas’s voice rumbled against Isa’s mouth, “what do you want, number seven?” </p><p><i>You</i>, but Isa couldn’t say that, so he said: “Not to be seventh,” he leaned up, lips brushing against Xemnas’. “It seems like a fair request, considering you don’t have an organization anymore.” </p><p>Isa slotted their mouths together— slow and languid and careful. Xemnas shifted against him, almost like he didn’t know or <i>care</i> about what to do. Isa’s hand pressed against his chest. He felt so warm and alive. His heart steadily thumped against Isa’s palm. </p><p><i>“Xemnas.</i>”</p><p>Xemnas’s chest rumbled against the weight of Isa’s palm, “you never called me that before.”</p><p>The corner of Isa’s mouth twitched, “that’s because you were my superior.” </p><p>Xemnas tipped his head to the side and pressed their mouths together again. He tasted like everything and <i>nothing</i>. Isa wanted to lose himself, wanted to fall apart into nothingness too. Xemnas’ hand tangled up in the back of Isa’s hair and tugged. A sharp pain stung his scalp. Isa grinned against Xemnas’ mouth.</p><p>Isa’s hand slid up to cradle the side of his neck. He could feel Xemnas’ pulse beating against his fingertips. It felt so... <i>different</i> than it had before. Something tight and cloying pulled at his chest. Maybe it was his heart or maybe it was because they’d been apart for so long. </p><p>Xemnas’ breath felt hot against his mouth, “<i>Saix</i>.” </p><p>“I told you I’m going by a different name these days,” Isa’s teeth closed over his lower lip.</p><p>“Isa?”</p><p>“Mmhmm.” </p><p>Xemnas’ fingers tightened on his hair and jerked his head back. Isa smiled, showing off the sharp white points of his canines. Xemnas surged against him— warm, solid weight of his chest pressing against Isa’s. His eyes were dark and <i>hungry</i>. Isa felt lightheaded and delirious with how badly he wanted. </p><p>“You get to start over,” Isa said, “You can be whoever you want. Ansem. Xehanort,” the corner of his mouth twitched, “<i>Terra</i>.” </p><p>Xemnas didn’t answer him, just pressed another kiss to his mouth. Isa held onto him, grip bruising tight on his shoulder. Maybe Xemnas— the nobody who grew the fledgling of a heart or the nobody who never cared about him at all— could find himself in Isa’s arms. </p><p>“My heart has made a fool out of me,” Isa didn’t say it for reassurance, not really. Rather, the words were purely to ground himself. He could be a fool. He’d been one for much of his life anyway.</p><p>“You would deny me?” But the words didn’t sound petulant or entitled, more like a mild curiosity. Saix certainly never would’ve said anything close to<i> no </i>before. </p><p>“No, but only if you say you want <i>me</i>.” </p><p>“There’s no need for me to.” </p><p>Isa wanted to laugh: the truth bit into him, left his stomach tightening and a lump crawling up his throat. Desperation had never been a good look for him. He didn’t know if Xemnas would back away or push him aside. Instead, his fingers carded through the hair at the nape of Isa’s neck. His thigh slotted between Isa’s own, blisteringly warm and solid. Isa melted against him. </p><p>Isa never thought of himself as weak-willed, but maybe he would need to reevaluate that assessment. He pressed his mouth to Xemnas’ again. </p><p>They tumbled down onto rubble of what had been their castle— they fell one step closer toward ruin together. The concrete stone dug into Isa’s back but he couldn’t complain because the warm weight of Xemnas’ hand cupped between his legs. His fingers knotted up in Xemnas’ hair and he wanted to hold on tighter and <i>tighter—</i></p>
<hr/><p>Ven had a plan to find Terra’s heart. It made absolute, perfect sense. Which is why he didn’t tell anyone about it in case they’d try to convince him it wouldn’t work. </p><p>Ven found Isa in an old office they’d retrofitted in the beach house. Truth be told, he didn’t really know <i>what</i> Isa did, but it seemed like he’d been helping Riku and Yen Sid organize reports that came in from the different worlds. Which... Ven supposed that checked out. He’d never seen Isa fight before anyway. </p><p>“Hey! Roxas told me you used to manage missions for the Organization.” </p><p>Isa tilted his head to the side, “I did.” </p><p>“I’m looking for a big group of heartless—” Ven leaned close to him, “— as many as you can think of them.”</p><p>“I should probably ask <i>why</i>, shouldn’t I?”</p><p>“Sure! If you want to.” </p><p>“Actually, I‘d rather not,” Isa exhaled, “the World that Never Was used to have quite the horde. Although they infest many worlds, as I’m sure you’re already aware.” </p><p>“But there were lots there?” </p><p>“Yes, they were attracted due to its proximity to Kingdom Hearts. But that may have changed.” Isa shrugged before he asked, “do you know how to get there?”</p><p>“I can figure it out!”</p><p>“I’d recommend the corridors of darkness if you’re amiable,” Isa flicked his wrist toward a pile of black cloaks on hangers in the corner of the room. “If you can track down Lea, I’m sure he’d be willing to escort you.”</p><p>A furrow pulled between Ven’s brows, “but didn’t he leave with Kairi this morning?” </p><p>Isa looked over to the little calendar nestled on the far wall. Today’s date was circled in red ink. Isa didn’t seem too terribly upset that his best friend left without telling him. Ven frowned.</p><p>“Hey, are you okay?”</p><p>“Fine,” Isa’s tone sounded clipped and hard. </p><p>Ven pulled on one of the cloaks. It felt heavy and a size too small— pinching his shoulders and his upper arms. He zipped it up under his chin.</p><p>“Now you really do look just like him.”</p><p>“Roxas?”</p><p>Isa nodded. Ven smoothed out a few wrinkles on the front of the cloak. He couldn’t believe Vanitas had worn this thing over his suit in a desert. It already felt crushingly warm. In the doorway, someone rapped their knuckles against the frame. </p><p>Ven twisted around and smiled: “Lea!” </p><p>“Hey, don’t look so surprised! Our trip got postponed,” Lea waved a hand back and forth. “Turns out the gummi ship is having a few mechanical snafus— it was making this awful grinding noise.” </p><p>Isa sighed, “you aren’t out of my hair just yet.”</p><p>“Try and sound like you woulda missed me!” </p><p>“You know I’ve always been a bad liar.”</p><p>“Ouch! Well considering you didn’t even come to see me off...”</p><p>“I had more important things to worry about.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Like that big ol’ stack of paper?” Lea sat down on the edge of the desk and picked up a file folder, <i>“World reports</i>. Wow, this sure is riveting stuff alright. I can see why you forgot about me.” </p><p>Isa pulled the folder out of his hand. “Forgetting about you is one of the easiest things I’ve ever done. One of the most peaceful too.” </p><p>“Alright, alright, I get it! Sooo.. hate to bring attention to the elephant in the room, but why are the two of you playing dress up?”</p><p>Isa smacked the folder against his shoulder. Lea batted at his hand. They looked so... <i>normal</i>. Almost like when Ven’d first met them. </p><p>“I’m going to the World that Never Was.”</p><p>Lea <i>laughed:</i> boisterous and sharp: “Eh, kid, why would ya wanna do something like that? I know we’re guardians of light, but walking headfirst into the heart of darkness? <i>Sheesh</i>.” </p><p>“I was thinking <i>you </i>could go with him.”</p><p>“Isa,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up, “why do you gotta sign me up for all the icky jobs? Hey, maybe you should go—“</p><p>Ven tried to cut him off, “I can go by my—“</p><p>Before he could finish, Lea plowed right along, “— hey! Maybe you’ll even see our good ol’ superior hangin’ around there— I heard a rumor that he likes to visit our old stomping ground.” </p><p>Ven blinked once, then twice. Isa looked furious, but not surprised. Ven cleared his throat, “What?” </p><p>“Drop it, Lea.”</p><p>Lea’s eyebrows crawled up toward his hairline, “So you did know.” </p><p>“I said to drop it.” </p><p>“And you’re not even gonna deny it.” </p><p>“There’s nothing to deny.” </p><p>“Who am I kidding? Of course you knew,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up, “Jeez, tell me you’re not really—“</p><p>Isa slammed his hands down on the desk, “I’ve had enough of your games. Will you take him or not?” </p><p>“Sure,” Lea clicked his tongue, “I’ll take him.”</p><p>“Then we’re done here.” </p><p>Once they’d been kicked out of the office, standing in the hallway together, Ven looked to Lea. Lea rubbed a hand against the back of his neck and laughed: awkward and stiff. </p><p>“Sorry you gotta see us bickering like an old married couple,” Lea shrugged up a shoulder. </p><p>“It’s alright.” </p><p>“It’s really not, kid,” Lea shook his head. “He’s been workin’ through some shit— jeez, how do ya even help someone like that?” </p><p>Ven frowned.<i> Give them space. Listen to them. Help them</i>. Or, a thought wiggled into the back of his mind: <i>you just never, ever let them go.</i></p><p>“Oh shit! I didn’t mean to turn you into a therapist. Don’t worry about it, anyway, it’s not your problem, yeah?” </p><p>“Okay...”</p><p>“I mean it,” Lea pointed a finger at him, “Don’t go sticking your nose into other people’s business,” he ran a hand through his hair. “That only stirs up trouble. Oh well, let’s go on your little adventure into darkness.” </p><p>Ven didn’t know if he should be grateful or mortified at being treated like a child. Part of him loathed it. The other part thought of Terra. A tight weight pulled at the center of his chest.</p><p>Ven smiled at Lea, the corners of his mouth wobbling anyway. “Alright! Let’s go.”</p><p>
  <i>It was such a foolproof plan, as long as he kept releasing hearts eventually he would have to find Terra’s! </i> Ven hated that his palms felt sweaty and his mouth tasted sour. <i>Surely if he kept finding big enough groups of heartless, he’d find Terra’s heart. He just had to. </i>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I hope you enjoyed! The next chapter is probably my favorite (final chapter is a close second) so I’m quite excited to post it! :) </p><p>Anyway, thanks again for any kudos</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ven stared up at the ceiling. He’d taped up a flyer he’d found: <i>sea salt ice cream for $1.99</i>. Front and center stood three pale blue ices cream on little wooden sticks. Honestly, he didn’t look at the popsicles, rather he stared at the yellow stars superimposed on the black backdrop. He squinted his eyes and pretended he drifted through space.</p><p>Like maybe he was heading somewhere important and traveling amongst the stars. Maybe ice cream with friends. He remembered that Lea used to like to do things like that. Something anxious and sharp twisted in the pit of his stomach.</p><p>He sat up and stared at the clock. <i>Barely past midnight.</i> He scrubbed a hand down his face. Ven looked back up to the poster: <i>hundreds of lonely stars, miles apart</i>. He thought of Terra too, alone in the darkness. Floating aimlessly by himself.</p><p>Ven didn’t really even decide to do it, but he slipped on his shoes and the cloak he’d kept from Isa. He didn’t know why he’d held onto it— when Riku saw Ven in it, he’d offered to call a fairy to enchant his clothes instead. Ven ran his hands down the leather.</p><p>“Did you miss me, Ventus? I think you did.” Vanitas’ voice sounded more far off than usual... like he was speaking underwater or behind glass. </p><p>Ven frowned and shook his head. He opened up a corridor of darkness and tumbled inside. His heart felt a pull toward the World that Never Was, so he followed it there. </p><p>Amongst, dank city streets a tightness clawed at the center of his chest. Ven exhaled slowly. Then, he sucked in a big breath.</p><p>“Terra!” His voice bellowed loud enough his throat grew raw, <i>“Terra!”</i> </p><p>He squeezed his eyes closed. He could hear the hissing of heartless, but <i>maybe—</i> just maybe— his hand tightened into a fist against his chest: maybe Terra’s heart called out to him.</p><p>“Don’t be an idiot, Ventus,” Vanitas hissed against the shell of his ear. </p><p>Ven shook his head, “I hear him!” He ran forward into the darkness of a nearby alley. “Terra?” </p><p>He searched around— under garbage that rolled like tumbleweed and dumpsters that smelt like old socks. Nothing. <i>Nothing</i>. Not even one heartless. Ven slumped against the dumpster. He frowned, deep and tight: <i>Terra</i>.</p><p>He heard a low hiss. Ven jerked around. </p><p>It’s like time moved backwards: he landed hard on his ass. All the air was knocked from his lungs. He felt the sharp pain of his shoulder splitting open. A claw sliced down at him. A huge heartless barreled at him.  </p><p>Ven banged back against the dumpster, back of his head connecting with a sick <i>pang</i>. His shoulder throbbed. He grabbed at his shoulder, the claw had <i>mostly</i> gauged into his armor— denting it— but right below ached. He lifted up a hand, smelling something iron-y and strong. Between his fingers it felt sticky, looked like <i>wet</i> darkness. Blood. It was blood. His ears rang.</p><p>Vanitas— as corporal as Ven had seen him— lurched in front of him. Time slowed to a crawl: the claw swiped down again, but Vanitas’ keyblade sliced through its gut. It looked so... easy. Jeez, why <i>hadn’t</i> he done that? Ven stared back down at his bloody hand. </p><p>Vanitas’ toe kicked his thigh. “What do you think you’re doing? Get up.”</p><p>“Thanks,” Ven said, mostly to be polite. </p><p>“Shut up and get off your ass,” Vanitas’ hand closed over his collar and yanked him up to his feet.</p><p>Ven’s whole head<i> pounded</i>. His nose smelt like blood and sour garbage— his stomach roiled dangerously. Vanitas glowered at him, like he wanted to take a knife and twist it in Ven’s gut. <i>That</i> mental image did nothing to abate his growing nausea. </p><p>“You’re not going to find Terra if you get killed, you absolute moron.”</p><p>“You don’t know that!” Ven’s cheeks flushed when he realized what he’d said. </p><p>Vanitas obviously thought he sounded like an idiot because his whole face wrinkled up like he’d sucked on a lemon. Ven pushed past him, clutching at his wounded shoulder.</p><p>Ven walked and walked, shouting for<i> Terra</i>. He walked and walked and ran through the city. Then he reached a veritable crater. This part of the city had been almost entirely destroyed.</p><p>At the precipice of a large ravine, stood a man. He stared up at the moonless sky. He was utterly and completely alone other than the flickering streetlight to his left. Terra— <i>no</i>, Xemnas. Xehanort. Ven tried to correct himself. He frowned. <i>Well</i>, technically Ven didn’t name what name he even wanted to go by. </p><p>Ven called at him: “Hey!” </p><p>“—you <i>idiot—</i>“ </p><p>A hand clawed at Ven’s arm, jerked his wounded shoulder back. Ven gasped at the sudden pain radiating down his arm. He yanked away. </p><p><i>“Idiot—“</i> Vanitas hissed.</p><p>Ven ran headfirst toward Terra-Xehanort-Xemnas. The man in question barely glanced toward him. Ven stumbled underneath the streetlight. He could feel his shirt and vest sticking to skin— tacky with drying blood. </p><p>“You searched for me, didn’t you?” Ven’s voice pitched up, nasally and desperate: “you knew where I was.”</p><p>Xemnas barely nodded. He looked up to the sky and said, “the chamber of waking.”</p><p>“Then maybe you know where Terra’s heart—“</p><p>“What the fuck do you mean <i>you knew</i>!” Vanitas lurched out of the shadows. His eyes were blown wide, pupils so large they looked totally black. </p><p>Xemnas only turned a side-eye to his temper tantrum. He didn’t even seem surprised to see them. Vanitas’ mouth drew up into a snarl that bared his teeth. </p><p>“You kept him from me!” Vanitas lunged forward. </p><p>Ven’s fingers, sticky with blood, slipped against Vanitas’ arm: “<i>Vanitas—</i>“ </p><p>Vanitas may as well have been a<i> blur</i>. He moved like a solid ball of electricity. He lunged on top of Xemnas. They tumbled to the ground. Vanitas’ fist slammed into the side of his jaw.</p><p>“Vanitas!” Ven screamed so loud it tore his throat raw.</p><p>Vanitas either didn’t hear him or didn’t care. He brought his fist up to hit him again. This time, Xemnas’ fingers wrapped around his hand. Vanitas <i>wailed</i>: guttural and angry and raw. Xemnas wrenched his arm. </p><p>Vanitas landed hard on his side. Xemnas got up to his feet. He held his arms down loosely by his sides. He looked... relaxed. Or maybe like a snake readying to strike. </p><p>Ven collapsed down next to Vanitas— who promptly shoved his hand against the side of Ven’s face. It stung and he could taste blood in his mouth. Ven slammed his fist against his chest. A croak rushed out of his mouth along with all the air in his lungs. He lurched to the side. </p><p>Ven’s hand clawed to hold onto Vanitas. “<i>Just stop it!</i>” </p><p>Xemnas looked at them like they were two disobedient toddlers and <i>he </i>was neither their parent nor guardian. Vanitas scrambled up to his feet. Ven grabbed onto his ankle. </p><p>Xemnas tipped his head to the side, silver strands of hair falling across his face, “Do you wish to be killed by my hand, Vanitas?” </p><p>“He’s not Xehanort! Look at his eyes.”</p><p><i>“I don’t care,”</i> Vanitas jerked his foot up. Ven’s fingers slipped off of him. “He knew the entire time,” his lip curled up and he looked more like an animal than a man when he turned back to Xemnas, <i>“I’ll fucking kill you!”</i></p><p>Ven scrambled up onto his knees, “you’re gonna lose!” </p><p>“No one asked for your opinion, Ventus!”  </p><p>Void Gear came to Vanitas’ hand like a solid weight. It looked dangerously dark, metal catching on the neon lights from the city behind them. Xemnas looked back up to the empty sky. </p><p>Then he disappeared into shadows and darkness and smoke.</p><p>Vanitas’ jaw slackened. Ven wondered when he’d last been denied a fight. It’d probably been years at least. Vanitas threw his keyblade down onto the ground and screamed: with all his hate, rage, pain. He doubled over with his head clutched in his hands. </p><p>Ven collapsed down onto his hands and knees. He spit out a collection of drool and blood. He scrubbed ahand across his mouth, voice muffled, “I bit my tongue.” </p><p>Vanitas turned an angry side-eye to him, “What the fuck did you think you were doing, Ventus?” He sounded tired and mad.</p><p>“You were gonna get yourself killed,” Ven cringed when he tried to lift up his arm, wounded shoulder protesting the movement. </p><p>“Don’t you want that?”</p><p>“You know I don’t.”</p><p>“Oh, yes,” Vanitas’ words hissed out of his mouth with a sharp exhale, “because <i>you’re</i> one of the good guys.” </p><p>“Yeah, so I’m not gonna let you die on me.” </p><p>Vanitas glared at him. And then he disappeared too. Ven hobbled back up to his feet. He didn’t know how he’d explain his injury to the others.</p><p>Ven sighed.</p>
<hr/><p>Across the courtyard, a woman knocked a wine glass off the table. She smiled at her friend and laughed. They continued to chat amicably while Isa walked over. He picked up a shard of glass and held it in front of his eye— like a looking glass. </p><p>Through it, the garden transformed into a cold, iron world. His eyes burned and throat swelled from the stench of smog. His ears rang from the pounding and whirring of machinery. A lump crawled up his throat: for a moment, it felt like his heart had stopped beating. </p><p>“Dude,” Lea’s voice drawled off to the side, “why are you standing there holding trash? Lil bit freaky.”  </p><p>Isa looked down to his hand and saw a crumpled beer can. To the side, sat an empty table covered in dust and dirt. Isa threw the can into a nearby trash can.</p><p>“I’m picking up litter,” Isa rolled his eyes, “just because <i>you’re</i> a slob doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be.”</p><p>“Oh yeah? Well at least I’m not picking up some dude’s empty beer can,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up. “Man, what would your parents think if I told them that?”</p><p>“Probably that <i>you’re</i> a bad influence on me.”</p><p>“Ha! Ya right! You’ve had fifteen years to make yourself <i>bad,</i> ain’t got nothing to do with me.” </p><p>“No one will believe you.” </p><p>“Sure, sure, makin’ <i>me</i> the bad guy like always. I see how it is.”</p><p>“You’re dramatic.” </p><p>“I know! I’m a real drama queen.”</p><p>“Don’t sound so proud about it.”</p><p>Lea laughed, loud and bright. Isa stared up at the castle: it looked hazy... like he saw it from a memory as opposed to right in front of him. He was close enough to wrap a hand against the iron rods that made up the gate. The gate shifted underneath his hand and swung open.</p><p>“Goin’ in the front door?<i> Really</i>?” </p><p>“They catch us anyway.” </p><p>Isa stepped forward— the world shifted around him again, the shadows grew longer, broader and infinitely more dark. When he looked too closely he felt like he might fall off an edge. Isa rubbed a hand across his forehead. </p><p>“You two aren’t supposed to be in here,” the voice sounded deep and familiar in a way Isa <i>felt</i> deep in the pit of his stomach. </p><p>Lea backed up with raised hands, “Yeah, yeah! You might wanna consider locking the door then.”</p><p>Isa stared at him: in his white lab coat with his shockingly yellow eyes and silver hair. He had to be at least five years older than them, but with smooth skin and a handsome face. Maybe he could blame the hormones raging through his veins, but he thought: <i>beautiful</i>. The scientist met his eyes. The tips of Isa’s ears burned. <i>He</i> was just a stupid kid, just like Lea, no way someone like<i> that</i> would notice him.  </p><p>“Oh, hey, where are your guards?” Lea gestured around to the empty courtyard, “normally it’s two big scary dudes throwin’ us out.” </p><p>“They aren’t necessary for the two of you,” He gestured toward the opened gate, “Now, go.” </p><p>“Ha! Whatever, man,” Lea scuffed the toe of his shoe against the cracked pavement. </p><p>Isa shook his head, “We’re leaving.” </p><p>He twisted on his heel and it felt like a knife stabbed into his gut. He bent over and gasped. He didn’t want to walk away. Not when they were so close— a sour lump crawled up his throat. He felt like he could taste his heart in his mouth. <i>Here, take it,</i> he wanted to beg. <i>Please, it’s always been yours. </i></p><p>“Hey, c’mon, what’s taking you so long?” Lea rubbed at the back of his neck.</p><p>Isa stepped over the precipice. His heart settled back his chest— steadily thumping in his chest. Isa’s hands squeezed into fists.</p><p>The scientist didn’t address them again, just clicked the lock of the gate closed once the two of them were outside.</p><p> </p><p>Isa woke up with a start. A cold sweat beaded along his hairline and the veins of his neck throbbed. He clutched at his chest to try and still the pounding of his heart. It took him a moment to recognize the room: the apartment he'd decided to rent. <i>Radiant Garden</i>. If he pried open the blinds, he’d see the fountains and castle and the dewy light of morning. </p><p>Next to his side, Xemnas shifted. Isa wanted to apologize for waking him up, but his mouth felt sticky and his tongue too heavy. He’d been late coming to bed anyway— Isa didn’t know what activities kept him occupied at odd hours during the day and late into the night. Maybe he still didn’t feel like it was his business to ask. Xemnas sat up.</p><p>“Unpleasant dreams?” </p><p>Isa smoothed a sweaty strand of hair off his forehead, “I dreamt of you,” when he spoke his voice sounded raspy with the dredges of sleep.  </p><p>“A nightmare then,” he didn’t sound wistful or remorseful... he sounded almost<i> bland</i>. Certainly, Isa’s time as Saix in the Organization could be classified as a nightmare... <i>if</i> someone wanted to think of it that way. Isa’s stomach churned. </p><p>Isa shook his head, “before, in Radiant Garden, do you remember?” </p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Lea and I used to sneak into the lab,” Isa said, “I must have seen you there, at least once.” His memories felt like grains of sand slipping through his fingers. </p><p>“Perhaps.”</p><p>“In my dream, you caught us.”</p><p>Xemnas hummed low in his throat. <i>Disbelieving</i>. “The guards escorted you out, every time but the last.” <i>When he and Lea had lost their hearts right along with the apprentices. </i>That thought <i>should</i> have enraged him. Instead, goosebumps crawled up Isa’s arms. </p><p>Isa frowned, “I wanted to be complete, truly and finally.” His hand clenched into a fist around the duvet. <i>That</i> was all he’d ever wanted. A thought wiggled into the back of his mind: he <i>should</i> have wanted more. </p><p>“Yet your mind is drawn to the past.” Xemnas cocked his head to the side, “Is it regret?” </p><p>“No,” but he said the word too fast.</p><p><i>“Longing</i>,” Xemnas spoke like he knew Isa wouldn’t— <i>couldn’t—</i> deny it. </p><p>Isa leaned over him, close and closer until he could feel the warmth of his body. Isa’s fingers stroked along his jawline. Like this he felt dangerously, infallibly <i>human</i>. </p><p>“What did you want, Xemnas?” </p><p> Xemnas looked at him, with unfamiliar eyes like the eye of a hurricane. He didn’t say a thing, but he didn’t have to: Isa could <i>see</i> it. Xemnas and Xehanort and all of them had only wanted one thing. A fucking stupid key. </p><p>Isa’s upper lip curled back as he asked, “was it worth it?” </p><p>Isa pressed his hand firmly to Xemnas’ sternum. His bare skin felt blistering hot under his palm. Isa pressed him down onto the bed with more strength than he realized he still had. His nails dug into his skin. </p><p>“Being somebody is to feel pain,” Xemnas didn’t flinch, didn’t even bat an eye, “the first surge of emotion I felt was loneliness.”</p><p>Isa lurched away from him, “<i>loneliness</i>?” </p><p>Xemnas nodded, “The gaping emptiness of where my comrades once stood.”</p><p>“<i>Comrades</i>,” his tongue hissed on the ‘s’, “yet you’d placed yourself atop an insurmountable throne.” </p><p>Xemnas’ face stayed blank and unfeeling. Isa’s stomach twisted with something dark and<i> wanting</i>. The scar tissue stretched across the bridge of his nose ached. He squeezed his hands into fists.</p><p>Xemnas looked at him with dark, hooded eyes and when he spoke his voice rumbled: “Did you imagine you could reach me there?” </p><p>
  <i>“Yes.” </i>
</p><p>Isa’s heart pounded up into his throat. Xemnas didn’t look surprised, even though Isa himself was shocked to have said it. Xemnas moved closer to him. Isa loved and hated how badly he wanted to melt against him. </p><p>“When I woke up as Isa the first time, it sickened me— how I’d abandoned everything to become your lapdog,” Isa’s eyes narrowed, “but mostly I was disgusted at how relieved I was when Xigbar found me.”</p><p>“And after that?” </p><p>“Then I couldn’t feel anything anymore— nothing mattered but atoning for what I’d let you turn me into.” </p><p>Xemnas’s thumb stroked along the scar tissue under his eye. Isa grabbed his wrist. He felt Xemnas’ pulse jump, even though his expression didn’t change. </p><p>“Of the thirteen vessels we selected,” Xemnas’ skin felt too warm against his, “I chose only one.” </p><p>Isa’s fingernails dug into the skin of his wrist. It had to hurt, but Xemnas didn’t flinch. Xemnas stared at him: closely with dark, hidden eyes. Isa pressed their mouths together. He tasted <i>perfect</i>, like everything he’d wanted— all of his fear, doubt, longing, and the bitterness of jealousy—</p><p>Isa’s hand cradled Xemnas’ jaw. He grunted, low and sharp. Isa drew back. His jaw looked swollen and yellowed. Isa stroked his fingers against the bruise.</p><p>“It looks like someone hit you in the face.”</p><p>“It was an...” Xemnas paused, “<i>altercation</i>.” </p><p>Isa frowned, “with who?”</p><p>“Someone I did not believe to still be alive.”</p><p>And that could mean any number of people. Isa’s skin crawled: Xehanort could be back. Any other members of the organization. Isa looked away from him, up toward the ceiling fan lazily sputtering overhead.</p><p>“Xemnas.” </p><p>Xemnas’ voice rumbled deep in his chest, “is there something on your mind, Saix?” </p><p>Isa recoiled, “have you forgotten my name already?” </p><p>Xemnas moved toward Isa. His eyes were dark, sharp and clear. Isa shifted toward him. When he reached out, Isa’s breath caught in his throat.  Xemnas’ hand closed on his chin, a smooth and warm and steady weight. His hand curled loosely around Xemnas’ wrist. His eyes slipped closed, he could feel the paper thin skin of Xemnas wrist and his thumb stroking below his lower lip in circles. Isa wished he could forget everything and melt.</p><p>The choice was stolen from him.</p><p>Xemnas pressed Isa down onto his back. Isa’s legs slipped open, bracketing around strong hips. His fingers dug into Xemnas’ shoulder blade, making crescent shaped gauges in dark skin. When Xemnas kissed him, he really did melt. Isa grunted against his mouth, against the soft and wet press of his lips.</p><p>It felt like righteousness and becoming and <i>everything</i>. When he had been nobody and <i>nothing</i>, he’d felt a pang deep in his chest calling out for Xemnas. The only thing he could even feel was pain or pleasure— <i>but the little shard of Xehanort’s heart cried out for Xemnas at every waking moment.</i> Isa tangled a hand up in Xemnas’ hair and jerked his head back. </p><p>Xemnas stared down his nose at him. “Is something the matter?” He sounded barely interested, <i>mostly</i> apathetic.  </p><p>Isa wanted to snarl, wanted to scream or <i>beg—</i> he twisted on top of Xemnas, his legs firmly locking around his waist. A very small huff slipped out of Xemnas’ mouth when his back hit the mattress. </p><p>Isa pressed his palms firmly to his chest. “No, nothing,” he stared down his nose at <i>him</i> then. </p><p>Xemnas’ hand closed on the nape of his neck. He hauled him in close and Isa felt too weak to stop him. Heat and lust pooled between his hips. He wanted and wanted and <i>wanted—</i> Xemnas’ mouth felt like home. Isa wanted to cease to be, to only exist in this moment with him. </p><p>His heart pounded in his chest. </p><p>It all happened too fast after that— rough and quick— but Isa <i>didn’t</i> care. Felt like when he’d been nothing and all he had was pain. Xemnas’ hands squeezed against his flank, against the back of his thighs. </p><p>Isa fumbled with the drawer on the nightstand. He spilled the bottle of lube, but it didn’t matter, none of it mattered when dragged his wet hand against the hardness cresting between Xemnas’ legs. He felt alive and deliciously, dangerously hot. </p><p>Isa eased his hips down and a low, broken sound slipped out of his mouth when Xemnas pressed against him. Isa pressed his hand harder to Xemnas’ sternum, other hand closing over his wrist. Xemnas pulse raced against his fingertips. Xemnas tightened his grip and his thumbs dug against Isa’s hipbones. </p><p>Isa sunk down on him. It felt like he might break: a dull ache that settled low in his gut. But Isa didn’t care because he wanted <i>everything</i>. Xemnas exhaled, slow and even— too <i>perfect</i> and unaffected with the steady rise and fall of his stomach. Isa’s fingernails scraped down his chest, leaving four inflamed trails in their wake. </p><p>Isa rolled his hips forward. It felt like too much and not enough all at once. Xemnas’ hands squeezed tighter on his hips, grip so sure and demanding. A quiet moan caught in Isa’s throat. His thumbnail dug into Xemnas’ pulse point, hard enough his skin broke. Xemnas’ hips bucked up against him and his nostrils flared— otherwise it didn’t seem like he even cared—</p><p>Isa yanked Xemnas’ hand off his hip. He pinned his arm  down overhead against the bed. His nails dug into the back of his hand and their palms squeezed together. Tight and sweaty and blistering— </p><p>Isa’s heartbeat thrummed in his veins, left his neck aching. He wanted <i>everything.</i> And he wouldn’t stop until he got it.</p>
<hr/><p>Ven’s mouth tasted bitter and sticky. He groaned into his pillow. Aqua had given him enough potions and healing spells to knock out an elephant. His head felt like it’d been stuffed with cotton. He didn’t even know how long it’d been— a day, <i>two</i>— daylight poured in through the window and warmed his back.</p><p>He tried to roll over, instead his fingers twitched against the bedspread. A warm, solid weight hopped up between his shoulder blades. Ven grunted out a confused noise. He lifted his head up enough to see the creature laying atop him: it balanced its small chin against his shoulder and loudly purred.</p><p>Ven tried to speak to it, but his words came out garbled and incoherent. The unversed purred again as its tiny paws— <i>feet? hands</i>?— kneaded at his back. Ven dropped his head back down onto the pillow. Then the creature curled up on his back in a tight ball. Heck, Ven wanted to just give up for awhile and bask in the sun too.</p><p>Ven nodded and allowed his eyes to slip closed. </p><p> </p><p>Ven woke up to a sharp pain radiating in his forehead. He twisted his head away and someone flicked his cheek. Ven <i>wanted</i> to bat them away, instead he ended up patting their hand. Cold, slick darkness. <i>Vanitas.</i></p><p>“Time to wake up, Ventus.”</p><p>Ven pried one of his eyes open to glare at him. His temples pounded with a headache. </p><p>“I thought you’d be sick of sleeping,” Vanitas crouched down by the bed. He balanced his chin against his hand, eyes blood-red and narrowed, “guess you’re just that<i> lazy</i>.” </p><p>Ven groaned into the pillow. His shoulder still felt tight and swollen. He closed limp fingers around Vanitas’ wrist. He <i>meant</i> to push him away, but instead he ended up holding onto his wrist. </p><p>“Hey, I’m talking here!” fingers flicked his forehead, “you gonna say something?” Vanitas moved a hand in front of his face— Ven’s vision was blurry and the quick movement made him feel nauseous. </p><p>Ven closed his eyes again. Vanitas <i>growled</i> at him. He moved to stand, but Ven’s fingers tightened on his wrist. </p><p><i>“Stay.</i>” Ven could just imagine all the trouble Vanitas would get into on his own. His mouth pulled into a tight frown. </p><p>Vanitas crawled up onto the bed with him, his back pressed to the headboard. He still seemed so... <i>cagey</i>. Aggressive and mean, like a zoo animal readying to lash out at the bars of its cage. </p><p>Ven pressed his face against the side of Vanitas’ chest. He inhaled deeply: he smelt musky with sweat, like cinder and sulfur from the depths of darkness. But his body felt so warm... so human. Ven tightened his grip on Vanitas’ wrist. </p><p>The bones of his wrist felt so... fragile. A tremor moved through Vanitas’ body. Ven linked their hands together. He expected Vanitas to lash out, to elbow him in the face or something. Instead, he stiffly exhaled. They’d never really been this close before and it felt... <i>right</i>. Ven’s stomach somersaulted. He had to keep his eyes closed, face still pressed firmly gainer Vanitas because if he looked at him it would all be too real. </p><p>Ven fell asleep again and didn’t even realize when Vanitas left.</p>
<hr/><p>Vanitas’ head <i>pounded</i>. He squeezed his hands together into tight fists. He stalked down the streets of Radiant Garden. It smelt like fucking dirt and chlorine. <i>Disgusting</i>. The sun was starting to set and its light casted long shadows across the streets. Something dark and twisted pulled on his heart— he could feel it, the remnants of a connection— Xehanort. He melted into the shadows, moved lightning fast. </p><p>Finally, he saw him, that absolute piece of shit. That fucking idiot, who thought he could keep Ventus hidden from him. Vanitas’ lip curled up to snarl.</p><p>
  <i>“Xehanort!”</i>
</p><p>Xemnas’ barely tipped his head toward him. He looked so fucking docile, standing in the gardens at fucking sunset. Vanitas <i>hated</i> it. So he warped at him. He brought Void Gear crashing down. Xemnas must’ve moved, because the teeth of  his keyblade skidded across the ground. He jerked around, face flushed and so mad his vision was fucking <i>red—</i></p><p>“Sora?” Another voice asked— maybe it was familiar? Honestly he didn’t give a shit trying to place it. “Wait. You were Master Xehanort’s apprentice.”</p><p>Vanitas spun around to the other side. “Ha! Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?“ </p><p>So he did <i>sort of</i> recognize him. Sort of. It’s not like Vanitas bothered to learn the names of the other seekers of darkness. Frankly, he didn’t even remember how many of them there had been. Maybe fourteen? Fifteen? They had more than thirteen because someone decided to bring along a bunch of deadweight spares, he remembered that at least. </p><p>“Are you saying I’m mistaken?” The other seeker Vanitas didn’t give a rat’s ass about tilted his head to the side. His voice sounded deadpan and dry, “I very much doubt that. I recognize your keyblade.” </p><p>Xemnas— <i>fucking Xehanort—</i> stepped in front of him. He stared down his nose at Vanitas, so goddamned smug: “You’ve been hiding inside the heart of another. I wonder what the guardians of light would think if they were to discover that.”</p><p>“It’d be a simple task for them to destroy you,” the other agreed, <i>“completely</i>, this time.” </p><p>“Why don’t you try it!” </p><p>Vanitas lunged at Xemnas. He swung his keyblade down. It connected with a solid <i>chink</i>. He looked down the claymore to its owner: <i>whoever the fuck he was</i>. His eyebrows were pinched down into a scowl. Vanitas jerked his keyblade back. </p><p>“You too scared to fight me, old man?” </p><p>“No.” </p><p>“Then prove it!”</p><p>“I see no reason to. You are but a disobedient child, discarded by his master—“ Xemnas smiled mirthlessly, “a worthless remnant.” </p><p>Vanitas lurched toward him again. He swung the keyblade down <i>hard—</i> so hard his teeth rattled. Xemnas moved <i>again</i>. The fucking rat. Vanitas twisted around. A solid weight slammed into his side.</p><p>The force threw him down onto his knees. He skidded across the ground. One of the blades on the edge of the claymore shoved in front of his face. Vanitas spat at it, bloody spittle clinging to the glowing blue. </p><p>Xemnas clicked his tongue, “leave him, Saix.”</p><p><i>“Isa.</i>” The claymore pulled away from his face.</p><p>Vanitas’ side ached. He could feel that rage, that pain, crawling under his skin like a thousand little bodies. He dug his fingers into the soft dirt. </p><p>Saix-Isa-whoever stared down at him, “take that rage, that anger and direct it somewhere else.”</p><p>“Don’t tell me what to do, you piece of shit!“</p><p>He clicked his tongue, “Xehanort is gone. You should remember that.” He twisted on his heel.</p><p>Xemnas didn’t look back at him— just walked away. Vanitas wanted to run after him, to rip out his throat, fucking flay him— but all his strength left him before he could. He collapsed down onto his hands. He hadn’t recovered yet.<i> He just needed more fear and pain and rage—</i> then he could kill him. He would kill him. After a few minutes, he managed to scrape himself off the ground. </p><p>He needed to go back to Ventus before he got any stupid ideas or thought that Vanitas had abandoned him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This is a short chapter! The final one should be posted in the next few days :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Surrounded on all sides by beady eyes and tense figures, Isa felt very much like he was being subjugated to an intervention. Lea sat directly next to him, Aqua and Riku across the table. Two keyblade masters taking time out of their busy day to talk to him. </p><p>Isa sighed, “is one of you going to tell me what this is about?”</p><p>Riku and Aqua exchanged a look with each other. Lea drummed his fingers against the table. Isa batted at his hand.</p><p>“Oh, sorry!” Lea rubbed at the back of his neck.</p><p>“We defeated Xehanort,” Riku finally said. </p><p>“I was there.”</p><p>“Darkness will always be a part of worlds,” Aqua looked at him— eyes painfully blue. “It’s our job to keep it in check.”</p><p>“Listen, Isa, we know you’ve been talking’ with Xemnas,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up when he said the name. </p><p>“I’m willing to help the guardians, I believe I’ve made that clear,” Isa said. “Don’t forget what I gave up for you, Lea.”</p><p>Lea looked like he’d been punched in the gut. His eyes blinked rapidly. Riku and Aqua exchanged another look. </p><p>Riku shook his head, “we want to know what Xemnas is planning.” </p><p>“We can’t risk Xehanort coming back,” Aqua folded her hands on the table, “if Xemnas is still connected to him—“</p><p>Isa cut her off: “I’m surprised he’s who you’re concerned about.”</p><p>Lea laughed, awkward and loud: “As opposed to...?”</p><p>“Vanitas.” </p><p>Aqua’s eyes blew open saucer-wide. Her knuckles were white from how tightly she gripped her hands together. Lea looked over to Riku— probably hoping their mighty<i> leader</i> would have answers. </p><p>“You didn’t know,” Isa clicked his tongue, “well, I saw him last night in Radiant Garden.” </p><p>Riku frowned, “you’re sure.”</p><p>“At first I thought he was Sora.” At the mention of his name, Riku’s whole body tensed up. “He’s been hiding somewhere— I believe you know where as well as I do, Aqua.” </p><p>Her mouth thinned into a tight, white line. She looked almost like she might cry. It had to be a lot: one of her friend’s hearts lost forever and the other had taken to harboring darkness incarnate. </p><p>Lea belted out a laugh. “Damn! First Xemnas, now another seeker... these guys just don’t know how to lose.” </p><p>“What was he doing?” Riku asked.</p><p>“He tried to attack Xemnas.” </p><p>“Hey— you sayin’ they aren’t working together?” </p><p>Isa nodded. Aqua and Riku looked at each other again. It had to be one of their biggest fears, that their fledgling group of guardians would be destroyed so quickly after Sora’s disappearance. </p><p>“I need to see Ven,” Aqua stood up and headed back to the beach house. </p><p>Riku looked at him, “if you find out anything else about Xemnas, will you tell us?”</p><p>“Yes,” Isa tipped his head to the side, “did you think I wouldn’t?”</p><p>“Hey! There’s a big difference between being a secretary and, y’know, being a guardian of light.” Isa wanted to disagree with him. Truthfully, he much preferred the paperwork to having to pretend to be a beacon of righteousness... hell, nearly every member of their ragtag group had their share of secrets anyway. </p><p>“Of course,” Isa said, although he didn’t put in much effort to make it sound believable.</p><p>“And you wanna be the latter, right?” </p><p>Isa’s brows pulled tightly together, “why else would I be helping, Lea?” </p><p>“Okay, okay! Just double checking.” </p><p>Riku stood up, “If he tells you anything about Vanitas or another seeker, let me or Aqua know.” </p><p>“Of course.” </p><p>Riku nodded and left back to the house too. Lea twisted around and glared at Isa. He just shrugged up a shoulder.</p><p>Lea batted a hand against his shoulder, “don’t think I missed that you were out with<i> Xemnas</i>,” Lea’s nose wrinkled up. </p><p>“Your astuteness never fails to impress.”</p><p>“Damn right!” Lea decided to take it as a compliment even though Isa’s voice had dripped with sarcasm. “You gotta stop.”</p><p>“Are you trying to be my babysitter, Lea?” </p><p>“Maybe if you stopped acting like a kid I wouldn’t have to.”</p><p>“I’m not sure how to take that, coming from you.” </p><p>“I mean it, Isa.”</p><p>“I don’t plan on stopping,” Isa stood up and brushed a streak of dust off his coat, “there’s nothing you can do, so you may as well save your energy.” </p><p>Lea’s mouth twisted up into a grimace, “Oh yeah?” </p><p>“Yes.” </p><p>“So what? You wanna go back to being <i>number seven</i>?” </p><p>Isa shook his head, “I’m not seventh.”</p><p>“Oh, great— finally fucked your way up to that coveted number two spot, huh?” </p><p>“Does it bother you that much?”</p><p>“Of course! You’re my friend and he’s... <i>ugh</i>,” Lea shuddered, “<i>Xemnas</i>.” </p><p>“I’m not a child, Lea. I’m capable of making my own decision.”</p><p>“No, I know that!” Lea frowned, “I just don’t wanna lose you to him... <i>again</i>.” </p><p>Isa wanted to say something biting and mean: that Lea still had Roxas and Xion because <i>he’d</i> died to bring them back. </p><p>“You won’t lose me, Lea. But that doesn’t mean I intend to stop.”</p><p>“C’mon, Isa—” </p><p>“For ten years, I had only a single person.” Isa shook his head, “and where were <i>you</i> during that time?”</p><p>“We were nobodies. It was different.”</p><p>“Maybe for you,” Isa looked off to the side. “But you made other friends. Don’t blame me for having done the same.”</p><p>The dusky, orange light of sunset felt like a perfect backdrop for this conversation. It only could’ve been better if they were talking in Twilight Town proper, Isa thought with a mirthless smile. 

</p><p>“He’s not your friend! He’s some kind of <i>sociopath</i>.” </p><p>“You say that like I’m not aware,” Isa’s eyes narrowed, “I am.” </p><p>“Isa...”</p><p>“Let me have this one thing, Lea,” Isa hated how desperate his voice sounded, “If it’s a mistake, then it’s mine to live with.” </p><p>Lea raised his hands up in a parody of surrender, “Okay, jeez! <i>Fine</i>, go play house with the <i>actual sociopath</i>. See if I care.”</p><p>“Thank you, Lea,” Isa’s eyes softened. </p><p>Lea shook his head, “Yeah, yeah, whatever— just be careful, okay? I don’t know what I’ll do without you, so...”</p><p>“You <i>are</i> hopeless without me”</p><p>“Damn straight. So don’t do anything too stupid.”</p><p>“Of course, Lea,” Isa said it, but he wasn’t sure if he actually meant it. It felt too easy to fall back into old habits. In any case, he had a date waiting for him back in Radiant Garden. </p>
<hr/><p>“Ven,” Aqua rapped her knuckles against the doorframe, “Can I come in?”</p><p>Ven peeled himself out of his blanket fort. He rubbed a hand against his tired, swollen eyes. He stared at the clock: it felt like he’d been sleeping for <i>days</i>.</p><p>Aqua stepped into the room, “Are you... okay?”</p><p>“I’m doing much better!” Ven raised his hand straight up into the air to demonstrate the range of motion he’d gotten back in his shoulder. Other than a pink scar, he was almost as good as new.</p><p>“Good,” she smiled at him. “Listen, Ven... is there something going on with you?” </p><p>Ven titled his head to the side, “What do you mean?” </p><p>Aqua shook her head, “Vanitas may still be alive. If he is, he may have taken refuge in your heart.”</p><p>“Oh.” Ven looked down at his hands. His grip tightened on the bedspread. </p><p>“Has anything happened?” </p><p>Ven chewed on his lower lip. He wanted to tell her everything: <i>yes, he’s alive but he’s not quite as bad as he used to be—</i> and he wanted to lie just as badly: <i>no! Nope, haven’t seen him. Vanitas, who? </i></p><p>“I don’t think so.” </p><p>“I could go inside your heart and make sure,” Aqua looked so kind and soft. Guilt churned in Ven’s gut.</p><p>Ven smiled back at her, “I’m still kinda tired— how about tomorrow?”</p><p>“Tomorrow,” she agreed with a nod. The corner of her mouth trembled though. “Good night, Ven,” she flicked out the light on her way out of the room.</p><p>“She knows, Ventus.” </p><p>“You don’t know that.”</p><p>“Don’t be a moron.”</p><p>“No one has seen you—“ Ven frowned, “Well, other than... <i>him</i>.” He still didn’t know exactly how to refer to Terra-Xemnas-Xehanort. </p><p>“Oh, about that,” Vanitas suddenly solidified right in front of him, “I went on a little trip yesterday.”</p><p>“What! Vanitas, you can’t just—“</p><p>Vanitas lunged forward and grabbed onto the collar of his shirt,<i> “I </i>can do whatever I want.” He jerked Ven closer— hard enough that it made his ears ring. “Don’t forget that.” </p><p>Ven’s hand closed over his. His eyebrows pinched down low, “who saw you?” </p><p>“Eh,” Vanitas shrugged up a shoulder, “you know, Ventus, I wouldn’t have went if you wouldn’t have been fucking <i>comatose</i>.” He flicked his fingers against Ven’s forehead. </p><p><i>“Ow</i>,” Ven shoved at his shoulder. </p><p>“Grab your shit. We’re leaving.” </p><p>Vanitas pushed at Ven’s shoulders. He fell off the bed and landed hard on his ass. He rubbed at his tailbone.</p><p>Ven’s lower lip pushed out, “where are we supposed to go?”</p><p>“Don’t you have <i>friends</i>, dipshit?” Vanitas stood up and kicked at his ankle. “Figure it out.” </p><p>Ven scrambled underneath the bed and grabbed at a small duffle bag. A little tag on it said <i>Kairi</i>. It was covered in dust, canvas fabric faded. Ven shoved a change of clothes into it and a few of the potions Aqua had left him. His chest felt tight and painful. </p><p>It felt crushingly lonely, to see his whole life condensed into a single, forgotten bag. </p><p>“I don’t want to leave.”</p><p>Vanitas’ hand closed over the back of his hair and gave a solid tug. Ven’s scalp stung. Vanitas crouched down in front of him. He jerked his head further back. </p><p>“Do you want Aqua poking around your heart?<i> Huh?</i> Don’t be stupid.” </p><p>Ven’s throat bobbed. “Can we come back? After.”</p><p>“After what, Ventus?”</p><p>“You have your own body again,” Ven rubbed sweaty palms against his thighs, “then she wouldn’t be able to find you in my heart.”</p><p><i>“Sure</i>, whatever makes you hurry the hell up.”</p><p>From Vanitas, that was as good as a: definitely, yes. Ven gathered up his bag and crawled out of the window. His still healing, and mildly hungover from potions, body ached when his feet hit the ground. </p><p>He breathed in the damp, nighttime air. </p><p>“Move,” Vanitas’ hand shoved in between his shoulder blades. “By the time you drag your sorry ass anywhere it’s gonna be fucking midnight!”</p>
<hr/><p>... which, Vanitas’ estimate wasn’t that far off. By the time Ven reached Radiant Garden, his legs felt like jello. The sun had fully set and everything looked quiet and dark. He stumbled on a crack in the street. He caught himself on a fence. His whole body ached, his skin prickled, and his lungs burned. His hands tightened on the iron rods.</p><p>“You’re pathetic.”</p><p>“Stop it,” Ven shook his head. </p><p>Fingers hooked into the collar of his shirt and hauled him up. He twisted around. It took him too long to realize it’d been Vanitas.</p><p>“Thanks.”</p><p>“Shut it.” A hand slammed into his shoulder blade and pushed him along.</p><p>Ven stumbled forward but managed to keep his balance. He straightened back up and headed down the street. He looked up at the little apartment buildings, all brick and white window panes.</p><p>Ven squinted— <i>which one had it been?</i> Finally, he saw it. A vibrantly colorful wreath hung up on the back of the door. Ven remembered that it had been picked out by Xion. He softly tapped his knuckles on the door.</p><p>“C’mon, you’re pathetic,” Vanitas slammed his fist on the door so hard it rattled.</p><p>“Hey—“ Ven twisted around him, but Vanitas melted back into shadow. Ven sighed.</p><p>After a moment, the door swung open. Isa stood in the doorway, black robe knotted around his waist and hair tangled. He rubbed a hand against his face. Ven waved at him. </p><p>Isa squinted, “Ven.”</p><p>“Hi!” Ven grinned, “sorry to wake you!” He peered into the doorway: all the lights were off in the apartment, but from what he could see it all looked modern and tidy. A little soulless actually. </p><p>Isa shook his head and said, “it’s fine. I’m surprised to see you here, I thought you were staying in Destiny Islands with the others.” </p><p>“I am!” Ven crossed his arms, “I was on a job—“</p><p>“A job?” Isa’s eyebrows crawled up toward his hairline. </p><p>A flush burned across Ven’s ears. Of course Isa knew better— heck he was the one who filtered through most of their requests and assigned missions. </p><p>“Yeah, it was a favor for Xion, but I lost track of time,” Ven yawned loudly against his wrist. “Is it okay if I stay here? I promise I’ll be gone first thing in the morning.” </p><p>Isa’s frown deepened, “right now isn’t exactly the best time—“</p><p>“Oh,” Ven adjusted the strap of his duffle.</p><p>“I can call Riku for you, I’m sure he’d be willing to bring the gummi ship—“</p><p>“Oh, no. I don’t want to bug him!” Ven gestured over his shoulder, “I think there’s a hotel—“</p><p>“Is something the matter?” A deep voice spoke from inside the apartment.</p><p>Isa looked to the side and sighed,  “It’s fine.” </p><p><i>Xemnas—</i> who looked too soft and too human, his face achingly like <i>Terra’s—</i> walked toward the doorway anyway. It took Ven painfully long to realize he wasn’t in a shirt.</p><p>It felt... well,<i> too</i> intimate. Like he’d been given a snapshot into a life he didn’t ask for. A hot flush burned across Ven’s face. </p><p>“What happened to your<i> friend</i>,” the way Xemnas said it, voice deep and monotone, made it sound dangerous.</p><p>The corner of Ven’s mouth twitched, “Aqua?” His throat felt dry and he worried that they could hear his voice croak.</p><p>Xemnas shook his head, a slow and slight movement, “Your... <i>darkness</i>,” and that one word said <i>everything</i>. </p><p>Ven’s eyes jumped to Isa: his face looked guarded and expressionless, but not surprised. A sour lump crawled up Ven’s throat. </p><p>Isa sighed, “Why are you wandering around in the middle of the night with a duffle bag?” </p><p>“A job.”</p><p>“Do you think I’m stupid, Ven?”</p><p>Ven shook his head, “of course I don’t!” </p><p>Isa frowned at him and sighed again. He held out his hand, “your gummi phone?”</p><p>Ven backed up, “What about it?” </p><p>“I’m going to call Aqua to come and get you.” </p><p>Ven’s grip tightened on his bag. He twisted on his heel and<i> ran</i>. He looked over his shoulder and saw Isa lurch forward after him. </p><p>Ven watched Xemnas’ hand grab onto Isa’s wrist, only just heard the deep voice say: “Let him go.” </p><p>If Isa said anything back, he didn’t hear it. </p><p>Ven skidded to a stop. His breaths escaped in short, ragged pants. Suddenly a pair of arms wrapped around his middle and tugged him down into freezing cold darkness.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I hope those of you still reading have enjoyed! This was a fairly indulgent pet project with my two favorite KH ships so I’m glad if a few others have liked it too.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The nighttime air blew in from the open door. The chill bit through the fabric of Isa’s robe. Goosebumps crawled up his arms. Xemnas stared at him: so <i>apathetic</i>, unfeeling and unyielding but so <i>so</i> handsome. Isa looked to where Ven had disappeared from the stoop back into inky darkness.</p><p>Isa jerked his hand out of Xemnas’ grasp. “We can’t just let him leave,” he said.</p><p>Xemnas tipped his head to the side and asked, “why not?” </p><p>“He could be in danger.”</p><p>“Unlikely.”</p><p>Isa shook his head. Xemnas’ eyes were dark and hooded and so <i>confident</i>. Isa remembered when he used to have that same steadfast arrogance. Xemnas reached out, fingers stroking along his jawline. It all felt too personal, too familiar, and too much for Isa to possibly bear. </p><p>A deep furrow pulled between Isa’s brows. </p><p>Xemnas’s voice rumbled in his chest, “Vanitas wanted one thing: to be reunited with his other half.” He sounded so... reassuring. Like Isa should just close his eyes and take a leap of faith—</p><p>That he should put the livelihood of a child in the hands of one of Xehanort’s puppets. </p><p>“And you want to just hand him off?” Isa’s eyebrows pinched together. </p><p>“He will be fine.”</p><p>Isa stiffly exhaled, “I should tell Aqua or the others.” </p><p>“Why?”</p><p>Isa could think of two reasons: Ven was young and maybe he didn’t know the dangers lurking in the darkness. But neither was strictly true. Xemnas just looked at him with searching and apathetic eyes: like Isa was a mouse running a maze for a piece of cheese. Isa shook his head and twisted out the door. </p><p>He headed out onto the nighttime streets. The cold concrete of the pavement seeped against the bare soles of his feet. His nose wrinkled— he could only barely smell the rank foulness of darkness. A cold gust of wind cut through the thin fabric of his robe. </p><p>
  <i>Someone opened a corridor of darkness recently. </i>
</p><p>The combination of moonlight and darkness made his skin itch. He scratched at his wrist— harder than he meant to, he only realized when he looked down at the puffy, bloody marks. </p><p>Isa heard the steady sound of footsteps to his side. Xemnas looked at him— so <i>familiar</i>, but so different— Isa wondered if they were like a puzzle that couldn’t quite fit back together again. His fingers ached with how badly he wanted to jam the pieces back together anyway.</p><p>“Are you planning on bringing Xehanort back?” Isa twisted to face him fully. “Is that why...” his mouth tightened into a frown. He could think of so many... <i>coincidences</i>. Vanitas wasn’t destroyed. Xemnas had snatched Terra’s body. And Isa... </p><p>“Bring him back?” Xemnas asked it slowly, dragging out each word, “you now seem certain that I am no longer him.” </p><p>He took a step forward. His hand cradled against Isa’s cheek. His hand felt warm and solid. Isa lifted a hand to wrap around his. His thumb dragged along the scar, following it along the bridge of his nose to underneath his eye. </p><p>“If you were still him, do you think you’d tell me?” </p><p>“I told you before: I am a hollow shell.” </p><p>Isa scoffed out a laugh, bitter and sharp: “<i>Hollow</i>? You call <i>this</i>, hollow?” He squeezed Xemnas’s hand.</p><p>He felt hopeless and delirious: holding onto the tattered shreds of a relationship that maybe never existed in the first place. But Xemnas’ palm felt searingly warm against him. So real, so <i>whole— </i></p><p>“Do you want me,” Isa’s mouth felt heavy with the lord Xemnas that threatened to slip out. He cleared his throat, “Xemnas? Or do you want some sort of... <i>puppet</i>?” </p><p>Xemnas’ laugh rumbled deep in his throat. His eyes were hooded so dangerously low. Isa didn’t know what he could possibly be thinking. A sour lump crawled up his throat. </p><p>“I do not know.” </p><p>Isa jerked backward out of impulse. Xemnas’ hand tangled up in the hair against his cheek. He gave a short tug. The sharp sting along his scalp felt... <i>grounding</i>. </p><p>Isa’s upper lip curled back, “I should learn from my mistakes.” He stepped in closer to Xemnas again, “I <i>should</i> despise you.” </p><p>“You cannot escape me.”</p><p>Those words should’ve terrified him, but instead a thrill of excitement rushed down to his gut. The corner of Isa’s mouth tugged into a smirk. Xemnas still looked so... unaffected. So bitterly cold. Isa’s stomach twisted with how badly he <i>wanted</i>. </p><p>“I don’t think I want to anymore.” </p><p>Xemnas pulled him tightly against his body. So sturdy and solid. Isa’s hands clutched at his shoulders. An exhale stuttered out of his chest— a sad, broken thing.</p><p>Like that, wrapped up in Xemnas’ arms, Vanitas and Ven and the corridor didn’t matter to him at all. It felt safe to quit pretending that it did.</p>
<hr/><p>Soupy rain splattered against him and soaked clear through his clothes. Ven wrapped his arms around himself, tucked his hands under his armpits. They’d landed in a world Ven had never been to before: all swampy wetness that smelt musty with brine. They’d hunkered down under the roots of a large tree— it was tipping over and Ven could imagine one bad windstorm would send it tumbling over. </p><p>It felt so <i>weird</i>... to think of Isa, frisbee-playing and Lea’s bestie Isa, with <i>Terra</i> of all people. </p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“Huh?”</p><p>“You have a stupid look on your face.”</p><p>“Oh.” Ven rubbed at his cheek, “I’m just surprised.”</p><p>Vanitas scoffed, “about what?”</p><p>“Isa and Ter— uh, <i>Xemnas</i>.”</p><p>“What, you didn’t know?”</p><p>Ven stuck his lower lip out but <i>tried</i> not to pout. “What? Like you did?” </p><p>“Don’t be stupid. There weren’t secrets in Master Xehanort’s Organization,” Vanitas rolled his eyes, “I just didn’t care to ask.”</p><p>“But how did you...” Ven frowned. He wouldn’t have had a clue that they were interested in each other. Absolutely none. They were so... <i>different.</i> </p><p>“You can always tell who’s fucking who, Ventus—“ Vanitas stopped suddenly and got up in his face. Ven’s face flushed red. “<i>Fucking,</i>” he drawled the word out.</p><p>“I get it,” Ven shoved at his shoulder.</p><p>“You’re beet red— god, you’re like a toddler. You gonna cry, Ventus?” Vanitas shoved his face up against his again, so close their noses almost touched.</p><p>Ven jerked away, “No!” He hated that his voice sounded so... <i>whiny</i>. “Stop.”</p><p>Vanitas grabbed onto his jaw and tugged him close again. Ven breathed in one rapt breath. He didn’t know when he’d started to like the smell of him. Butterflies tumbled in his gut. Ven’s lips parted, to say something, <i>anything</i>. </p><p>Vanitas shoved his mouth against his— Ven didn’t know what to do, if he should kiss back or what— then he realized it fucking<i> hurt</i>. Ven jerked backward. His lip throbbed, bead of blood sliding down the corner of his mouth.</p><p>“Did you just bite me?” Ven wiped the back of his hand across his mouth. </p><p>Vanitas laughed at him: loud and mean. His fingers dug into the meat of Ven’s shoulder and yanked him closer. Ven shoved at his chest. But then Vanitas’ mouth was on his again and Ven didn’t know how to think.</p><p>His mouth was chapped and dry and <i>he fucking bit him</i>, but he felt so deliciously warm. Ven melted against him. Ven didn’t know where to put his hands or how to kiss back or what to do at all actually—</p><p>Vanitas shoved him down onto his back. Ven grunted as the air rushed out of his lungs. He felt lightheaded, all the blood in his body pooling between his hips so fast. Vanitas clambered on top of him, eyes dark and hazy and <i>interested</i>. Ven’s legs wrapped around his waist out of impulse. Only when Vanitas <i>laughed </i>did he realize he maybe shouldn’t have seemed so desperate. A bright red flush burned across his cheeks. Vanitas’ eyes suddenly darkened.</p><p>“Shut up.”</p><p>“I didn’t say anything,” Ven frowned at him.</p><p>“You got that fucking look in your eye.”</p><p>Ven’s eyebrows pulled together, “I do?”</p><p>“Yeah. You do.” </p><p>“Well what look?”</p><p>“A fucking pathetic one.” </p><p>Vanitas lunged forward. His hand fisted up in Ven’s hair. Ven grunted at the sudden pain as his head was jerked back. It felt gross, dirt from the wet ground smeared against his hair and face. His pants and shirt were soaked clear through too from all the rain. Goosebumps crawled up his arms. Vanitas pressed tighter against him and he felt so <i>warm</i>. Ven shoved his icy fingers up underneath his arms. </p><p>Vanitas’ fingers jerked down his zipper with two hard tugs. Then his hand shoved inside his opened pants. Ven’s breath choked in his lungs. Vanitas’ hand felt burning hot against him— but so... <i>familiar</i> too, almost like it could’ve been his own hand. A blotchy flush burned its way across Ven’s face. Ven let out a small noise, embarrassingly close to a whimper, that he tried to choke off. </p><p>Vanitas’ voice hissed against the shell of his ear, “I told you to shut up.” His teeth closed over Ven’s earlobe and gave a tug. </p><p>Ven wanted to argue— that it <i>wasn’t</i> fair— how could he possibly be expected to be quiet when Vanitas’ hand curled against him like that. Ven opened his mouth to say as much. Vanitas shoved his fingers inside his mouth, thumb hooking under his chin. Ven gagged on his words. His hands shoved at Vanitas’s shoulders— trying to wrestle him off or pull him closer.</p><p>Vanitas’ other hand stroked him— so hard and bruisingly <i>sure</i>. Pleasure curdled in his gut and Ven worried he might die from it. His jaw ached from his hard Vanitas’ fingers pushed against his tongue. He wanted to cry or scream or beg. His voice came out choked and muffled.</p><p>Vanitas tugged his pants down lower around his hips. It felt <i>disgusting</i>, twigs and mushy, cold dirt pressed against the bare skin of his ass. Vanitas’ finger withdrew from his mouth with a wet <i>pop</i>. A red flush burned across Ven’s face. Vanitas just looked smug and angry with a mean, little smirk on his mouth.  </p><p>Ven wasn’t ready— not at all— when Vanitas’ fingertip pressed inside him. His hands grappled for purchase, squeezing and squeezing on Vanitas’ arms. Vanitas’ other hand grabbed onto his hip— tight enough Ven could imagine the bruises he’d have. It felt cold and wet and left his stomach aching.</p><p>Ven dug his fingers into Vanitas’ shoulder, “Vanitas.”</p><p>“Shut up.” </p><p>Vanitas crooked his finger and pleasure exploded in Ven’s gut. He let out an embarrassingly high pitched noise. His teeth closed over his lower lip to try and be quiet. It felt too good, like something sacred or forbidden. He pried his eyes open— hadn’t even realized he’d closed them— to look at Vanitas with hazy eyes. </p><p>Vanitas growled at him and slammed their mouths together. Way<i> way</i> too hard. But Ven didn’t care. He just held onto him tighter.</p>
<hr/><p> It all happened so fast the night before. And now, with the sun starting to rise, Ven didn’t know if he should regret <i>it</i>— running away, what’d he done with— His rubbed a hand across his eyes, they felt swollen and puffy— he’d hardly slept the previous night. He felt dirty and crusty and soaking <i>wet.</i> </p><p>The rundown little diner they’d shuffled into didn’t make him feel much better.</p><p>Ven shoved the grits and shrimp around on his plate. His stomach felt tight and uncomfortable. Vanitas leaned across the table and stabbed a fork through one of the shrimp. Ven jolted, chair legs scraping against the floor.</p><p>Vanitas stuck his tongue out, pressing his fork against his mouth as lewdly as he could. He rolled the shrimp into his mouth and fucking <i>grinned</i>. Then he kicked Ven’s shin under the table.</p><p>“Hey! Brighten up! We’re gonna go on an adventure.” Vanitas didn’t sound nice though... he sounded,<i> well,</i> like Vanitas. <i>“Together.”</i></p><p>“We are?” Ven hated how quiet he sounded. He pushed more of the grits around on his plate.</p><p>He thought of Aqua and everyone, all the other guardians who’d helped him— <i>it felt like such a cop out to run away now.</i> </p><p>“Ha! You don’t want to find Terra anymore, Ventus?”</p><p>“No! That’s not...” Ven’s hand clenched tightly on the fork, “I want to.” </p><p>When Terra came back, Ven worried he wouldn’t even be the same person. What if Terra couldn’t even recognize him anymore? Ven frowned, he knew he should call Aqua. She could help. She’d want to help.</p><p>Vanitas shoved a hand out toward him, “Give me your phone.”</p><p>“Okay,” Ven frowned but pressed it against his palm anyway, “but why do you—“</p><p>Vanitas cracked the gummi phone against his knee. Shards of glass and plastic landed against the floor with a quiet clatter. </p><p>“—Hey!” Ven lurched across the table. </p><p>He grappled for the phone even though he knew it was too late. It was broken up into a hundred different little pieces. Vanitas threw the broken shell down onto the floor and crushed his heel against it anyway. </p><p>“It’s just the two of us, Ventus.”</p><p>Ven’s mouth tightened, “but we’re gonna find Terra?” </p><p>“Use your fucking ears,” Vanitas’ lip curled up, “that’s what I said, dipshit.” </p><p>“Okay.”</p><p>“Then finish eating so we can get the hell out of here,” Vanitas kicked at his shin again under the table. </p><p>Ven shoved a spoonful of grits into his mouth. The texture was...<i> well</i>, kinda mealy. His nose wrinkled up before he swallowed. Vanitas looked at him with thinly veiled anger, but underneath that his gaze was hot and—</p><p>A flush burned across Ven’s face. His gut twisted painfully with desire. He felt like a ragged bucket of hormones. He didn’t know what to do— Vanitas shot him a look: brows furrowed and mouth snarling. Ven hated that he’d started to like it.</p><p>“Are you finally done?”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Then get off your ass and let’s go.” </p><p>Ven followed him out the door and didn’t look back.</p>
<hr/><p>Saix stared up at the towering thrones— <i>all thirteen of them.</i> But they didn’t have that many members yet. His fingers stroked along the base and he wondered if they were made out of marble or just pure <i>nothing</i>. </p><p>“Number seven.” </p><p>Saix craned his head back, “Lord Xemnas, you requested me?” He hurt to look at: the throne so tall and so starkly white. </p><p>Xemnas hummed, low and deep in his throat, and the sound vibrates throughout the entire chamber. His presence was... <i>profound</i>. Maybe if he still had a heart, Saix would feel cowed by his gaze.</p><p>“Xigbar had good things to say about your handling of mission reports and assignments.”</p><p>Maybe, in another life, he would feel pride. Instead he only felt empty. He nodded, because this praise was his. Maybe, if he cradled those words deep in the recesses of his mind he’d start to feel again. </p><p>“I did what was required of me.” </p><p>Xemnas— so suddenly— appeared in front of him. His eyes so painfully <i>yellow</i> and cloying. Saix wished he could be startled. </p><p>“Are you expecting some sort of reward, Saix?” He wasn’t, actually. Being next to Xemnas was a prize in and of itself. That was their plan— his and Lea’s. He just didn’t realize how hard it would be to look away once he met Xemnas’ gaze.</p><p>Saix felt like such a fool next to his superior. He was eighteen year old, barely more than a <i>child</i>. He’d been nothing for so long he’d started to forget what happiness tasted like. He felt like it may have been salty or maybe sweet— </p><p>“Is there something you have in mind?” Saix asked anyway.</p><p>He never would’ve imagined the pain searing across his face or the stench of cauterized flesh. It fucking <i>burned</i>. But that soul-scorching pain was the first real thing he had felt in so long. He <i>relished</i> it, he chased it, and they both knew he couldn’t escape from it.</p><p>But he was eighteen and stupid and basically dead anyway, so he hadn’t cared. </p><p> </p><p>Isa woke up slowly— sticky vestiges of the dream clinging to his mind. His fingers squeezed into a fist against the bedsheet. For just a moment when he’d woken, he felt <i>nothing</i>. A blissful eternity of <i>nothingness</i>. But now a heavy weight of guilt and worry and despair crashed down on him. </p><p>“Being human is to experience pain,” Isa said the words softly, purely for himself. His foot skimmed across cool sheets until he felt warm skin against his toes. He twisted over onto his other side to face him.</p><p>Xemnas sat up in bed, not looking at Isa at all, instead he held a book in his hands close to the dim light from the lamp on the bedside table. He’d been reading so much dry drivel, poetry, or guides to worlds— and sometimes Isa had caught him reading all reports from Ansem the Wise too. </p><p>“Is your book any good?”</p><p>“Indeed it is.” </p><p>“I dreamt of you again.”</p><p>“Did you?”</p><p>Isa nodded, “from when I used to be Saix.” His chest felt tight. He pressed a hand to his sternum. </p><p>Xemnas placed the book down on the nightstand— slick, black bookmark pressed between the pages. His eyes looked so cold and delightfully dangerous. </p><p>“You speak as though that was purely the past,” Xemnas reached out, hand folding on top of Isa’s over his heart. “That part of you has never left.” </p><p>“That’s what concerns me.” </p><p>“Then why be scared of something... <i>inevitable</i>.”</p><p>His voice was quiet but not unsure, “I’m not only Saix anymore,” he sat up, “I <i>have </i>changed.” <i>But he hadn’t changed enough</i>. Isa’s hands squeezed into fists against the bedsheets. </p><p>“That you have.” </p><p>Isa’s eyes jerked toward him. He looked so... regal. Majestic and magnificent: like poisoned wine. Isa hated how much he craved him. Those desperate wants, those desires he hadn’t realized he had, should’ve died with Saix. </p><p>“What do you want, Xemnas?”</p><p>Isa got up onto his knees and leaned over toward him. He tangled a hand up in silver hair. Xemnas tipped his head toward him: eyes like a tsunami and a thousand promises. Isa wanted to drown in his gaze.</p><p>“I desire nothing,” Xemnas spoke with his usual monotone drawl. </p><p>Isa crashed against him: like a wave cresting the shore. He wanted and wanted and <i>wanted</i>. Xemnas’ mouth felt hot and heavy against his own. He yanked on his hair. Xemnas surged against him, solid and strong. </p><p>Isa tumbled off his precipice: down toward the raging depths of hell and <i>nothing. </i></p>
<hr/><p>Ven’s calves ached from exertion and the soles of his shoes burned from the heat. He squinted his eyes up at the setting sun. Everything was so bright and blistering. Vanitas tugged on his arm and pulled him away from the busy streets. </p><p>“I’m beat.”</p><p>“Stop whining,” Vanitas jerked on his wrist. </p><p>Finally they hunkered down in an abandoned building: sandstone structure crumbling and full of sand grains. An old, ragged tapestry laid in a corner. Ven smiled at it: the desert <i>did</i> get awfully cold at night. </p><p>Ven sat down and folded his arms around his legs. He laid his cheek against his knee. His face felt sunburned: itchy and hot against his jeans. Vanitas collapsed down next to him. He slung his arm over Ven’s shoulders out of impulse. </p><p>“Are we going to another world tomorrow?” </p><p>Vanitas rolled his eyes, “Ha! Do you think you could manage? You look like shit, Ventus.”</p><p>Ven batted softly at his shoulder. He shook his head and laughed, “we could stay here for awhile.” </p><p>“You’re pathetic,” Vanitas carded a hand through the baby fine hairs at the nape of Ven’s neck. </p><p>Ven shook his head and twisted toward him. Vanitas tugged on his hair. Ven leaned closer to him and pressed a soft, chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. Vanitas’ nose wrinkled up.</p><p>“I don’t need your soft, mushy shit.” </p><p>Ven laughed and kissed him again: this time harder and more sure. Vanitas’ hand tightened on the back of his neck. Ven’s stomach rolled with nerves and excitement and <i>guilt</i>. </p><p>“Stop fucking thinking,” Vanitas shoved him down onto his back.</p><p>Ven’s teeth rattled from how hard his back hit the ground. Vanitas lunged on top of him. His hips pressed down and it felt so blissfully good. A quiet moan caught in Ven’s throat.</p><p>No matter what happened, Ven could at least have <i>this: </i>the two of them together. <i>Like they were supposed to be, so it couldn’t be wrong</i>. Ven smiled against Vanitas’ mouth. Vanitas tightened his grip on his hair and kissed him properly. </p><p>Together, on the run from the entire world, it felt more like it was just about <i>them</i> and not even about finding Terra anymore. But Ven wouldn’t voice that out loud.</p><p>Instead, he kissed Vanitas back.</p>
<hr/><p>Aqua slung the bag over her shoulder. She’d planned on traveling light, but now with the bag over her shoulder it felt crushingly real.</p><p>Riku looked at her closely, “It won’t be the same without you here.”</p><p>“They need me,” her pocket felt heavy with the note Ven had left her over a month ago:</p>
<p></p><blockquote>
  <p>
    <i>I’m gonna bring Terra back.<br/>
Please light our way home. </i>
  </p>
</blockquote><p>”Hey, I know.”</p><p>“Will you be okay?” It had to be a crushing amount of responsibility already: being left as the de facto leader after Sora’s disappearance. And now, other than Mickey, he would be the only keyblade master they had. Guilt clawed at Aqua’s stomach. </p><p>It felt so irresponsible to leave them now. Maybe she should’ve waited for when Roxas or Xion or Kairi or Lea had taken the mark of mastery. It would be so much for one person to handle— </p><p>“You know Ansem and the others at the lab are searching for signs of his heart too.”</p><p>Aqua pressed a hand to her chest, “I know.” </p><p>“Xemnas is helping them.”</p><p>“He is?” Aqua’s mouth slipped open.</p><p>“Yeah. To atone.” </p><p>Aqua frowned, “Make sure they keep a close eye on him, just in case.” Worry trembled in her stomach. She had to remind herself: <i>Xehanort was dead</i>. </p><p>“We’ll make sure history doesn’t repeat itself,” Riku smiled momentarily— wide and earnestly enough to show his teeth. “Be careful, Aqua.”</p><p>“Of course, you too.” </p><p>She stepped onto her glider— only recently repaired enough to be operable— she knew she’d find Ven and Terra and bring them both back. </p><p>She had to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Thank you for reading and those of you who left kudos! I really appreciate it :) </p><p>I have ideas for a second part but it’s unlikely I’ll get around to writing it for awhile. For now, you’re welcome to interpret the ending as happy or as sad/dark as you’d like!</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>As an FYI, there are a few other little details I’m changing/tweaking from canon. (Like... everything from Union X I’m ignoring for example) </p><p>With that being said, I hope you’ve enjoyed so far!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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